Links! Basketball Links!

What's crackin', maniacs? Hope you've all come down off that cloud after that tasty comeback victory in N'awlins, cause we've got business to attend to.

I guess a more apt title for today's post would be "Links, Videos and Random Thoughts," but since we don't have a section for that, you're just going to have to ignore this glaring continuity error.

Link: Totally factual information regarding one Black Mamba.

I've been laughing at this for three straight days. Join me, won't you?

Random Thought: Is Peja Stojakovic the greasiest man in the NBA?

I feel like he's got to be the odds-on favorite, doesn't he? Seriously, who else is even close? Manu? Oh Boy Oberto? Luis Scola? I still say Peja's greasier than the three of them put together. He's at the top of his game right now.

Video:

It's just a little something I cooked up last year. Yes, it's an original song. Yes, the machines are already assembling, and we need to thi...What? Oh, don't give me that look!! This is TOO basketball related! Look at me reppin' my Drex jersey. Plus my beanie. Plus...OK, OK, fine, it's a cheap plug. Sue me.

Random Thought: Michael Holton's Vinnie "The Microwave" Johnson reference during the Hornets game might be my favorite thing that's ever come out of his mouth. Beautiful, Michael.

Link: An instant classic from '92.

This is one of my all-time favorite games. Those of you with decent memories will recall how this fourth quarter ends. I won't spoil it for those of you in the dark. Just watch it. Trust me. Oh, and make sure you click that little "watch in high quality" button. Makes a huge difference. Anyway, without further ado, take it away, Marv and Czar!

Random Thought: I love Mike Rice. And Mike Barrett. But mainly, Mike Rice.

Did anybody else catch Mike Rice being especially senile during the Hornets game? He mistook that canned, Nature Boy Flair "Wooooo!" that the audio guy plays after a free throw for the Hornets floor announcer arrogantly making "cat calls" at our team to rub in the big lead. I love you, Mike Rice.

Also, during the Superbowl I was thinking, man, I really wish the Mikes were watching this game with me right now. You think it would be weird for Barrett to just sit there and watch the game? I bet he couldn't restrain himself from calling the action. While everybody else was just screaming wildly during the Santonio Holmes Show, I bet you Barrett would have busted out a mighty fine "Roethlisberger in the pocket! Looking, looking... rifles one deep to the corner of the endzone!!!! CAUGHT by Santonio HOLMES!!!!!!!"

Only in dreams, dear friends. Only in dreams.

Link: And finally, another sorely disappointed websoldier has apparently made his way to Kobestoppers. Apologies, my good sir, but that is not what we do here. You're looking for the Mr. Potato Head Wearing Pro Sports Jerseys Store. It's just down the street.

Joe Knows

Hola, amigos, and welcome back to another edition of Joe Knows. We have a slate of things to discuss today, so let's get started with:


1) Mike Rice is amazing and I love him.








During last night's game against the Bobcats, the Ol' Rice Paddy pulled out this gem in the first quarter:

Mike Barrett: "That's Adam Morrison's second foul and he'll be headed to the bench."

Mike Rice: "And that's bad news for the Blazers. If you're a Blazer, you want Adam Morrison out there on the court."

Harsh. If the fans in the Rose Garden could hear him, I like to think they would have started a slow clap for him as this statement sunk in. Also, I almost feel bad for pointing this out because I'm afraid some narc might change it, but Mikey's wikipedia page features this tidbit added by someone very, very wise:

"Rice is known as a red-faced and jolly family man, who enjoys drinking Bombay Sapphire tonics and really any gin and tonic for that matter or whiskey regardless of label, during halftime breaks or in between full time-outs."

I knew it! In my dreams Mike Rice always smells like Christmas trees...um...



2) Midseason Awards

Yes, yes, I know you're tired of reading every moron's opinion on who is the MVP, ROY, COY, etc etc. That's why here at Kobestoppers we're doing it a little differently.

MVP (Most Vicious Punking):



You know we're a bit biased here, this just happened on Monday, we already discussed it heavily, and it's Cheikh Samb, but still. Nasty.

Honorable mention: D-Wade over Okafor,
Lebron over Deng



ROY (Rabidly Overhyped of the Year)


Maybe I just hate JR Smith, but between his cocky-ass attitude, his horribly disgusting 'stache, and the huge amount of "Most Improved Player" hype surrounding him at the beginning of the year, I have been wildly unimpressed by this volume shooter's play this season.

Also, JR, it's called "defense." It's a concept wherein, in addition attempting to score the basketball yourself (called "offense," but you know that) you attempt to prevent the other team from scoring. It's sweeping the league.

Honorable mention: Ron Artest, The entire Clippers roster


COY (Creeper of the Year):


Eddy Curry.

The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."

Enough said.

Honorable Mention: No one is even close.



DPOY (Douchebag Pompous-ass of the Year):

Yes, Kevin, we're talking about you. Stop sneering at us and listen for a seco...ok, get up off the ground and stop barking like a jackass, you're emba...uh...did you just spit on me?

No one has been a bigger D-bag this season than Kevin "The Big Ticket" Garnett. Whether he was pounding his chest and sneering at other players, getting down on all fours and barking like a dog at a rookie point guard, or screaming obscenities at fans at other arenas, Garnett's unique swagger, energy, and enthusiasm has been replaced by bigotry, pompousness, and flat-out disrespect. Boo.

Honorable mention: Kobe Bryant Mamba, Olowakandrew Vagynum, Lebron James, Stephon Marbury, Darius Miles


3) Are the Blazers going to make a trade?

The trade deadline is rapidly approaching and there has been rampant speculation as to what kind of tricks KP and the Blazers have up their sleeves. Let's take a look at some players that Kobestopper Joe thinks Portland might be interested in using RLEC on:

Gerald Wallace

Honestly, a week ago, this was my guy. Wallace is an incredibly high-energy player on both ends of floor, capable of getting to the rim, hitting the three, and soaring for great blocks and rebounds. Needless to say, he'd be an upgrade over Travis Outlaw.

That said, after Olowakandrew Vagynum collapsed Crash's lung, I'm not sure GW is a viable trade option for the Blazers anymore. Not that he won't come back 100%, but more that we are looking for a short-term veteran player to help us build for the next year or two, and this injury may cut into his usefulness.

Richard Jefferson

RJ has evolved from a highly-athletic, dunking, Kenyon Martin-type player (they played together in New Jersey, if you'll recall) into an all-around player who can shoot and play solid defense. His biggest downside? Rebounding, as he's only averaging 4.8 boards on the season.

After the loss of Redd for the season, the Bucks may be looking to snatch up an expiring contract and wait for 2010. I have no doubt that RJ would love to get off the Bucks and onto a developing, playoff-caliber team. The question is, how well will he produce when he is the third or fourth or even fifth option on the team?

Kirk Hinrich

I love Hinrich for this team. His defensive intensity is far greater than Blake or Sergio, and we would likely package one of these two with RLEC if we were to make a move for him. Also, Chicago is firmly entrenched in the beginning of the Derrick Rose era, so it's not like they're holding out on Hinrich as their point guard of the future.

Hinrich has had a little difficulty shooting and scoring since his outburst (45% from the field) in the 06-07 season. That said, we know he can shoot the ball and I think he would benefit massively from a player like Brandon Roy alongside him.


Afraid no one wants to trade with us after the Miles debacle? Check this out (Yes, Henry Abbott plays Settlers of Cataan. Yes, that is cool).



4) Some love for Nate Robinson

I was watching the Knicks-Hawks game last night (in which Nate Robinson went off for 20 fourth-quarter points) and noticed that Nate the Great give a nice salute to the crowd. A Knick-fan friend of mine passed along this tidbit:

Best story of the night: Anybody remember seeing Nate Robinson go to the free throw line on Friday night and salute the crowd? Turns out he'd been playing Call of Duty online and was telling people that he plays for the Knicks. When this was met with disbelief, he vowed to give a salute at the free throw line in his next game to prove his identity to everybody. Sure enough, any COD players watching the Knicks face the Grizzlies got a salute from their teammate. Somehow, that story is all you need to understand Nate Robinson's persona..

Yup, that's right folks, Nate Robinson is an avid Call of Duty player. I was embarrassingly excited when I heard of him potentially coming to the Blazers a few weeks ago. He doesn't play much defense, LOVES to shoot the ball, and isn't a real point guard (not to mention that he is approximately the size of a Smurf), but he salutes his CoD-playing friends at the free throw line. Oh, and he throws down nasty alley-oops.



OK, that's enough Nate-Rob love for today...Man three days off is a long time.

PS: Kirilenko having surgery, out another month. Have I mentioned I hate the Jazz?

PPS: Is it just me, or do the Suns play the Spurs eight times a season?