Yes. It is. Go to Hell.
Besides, we like to think of this more as a two-man, basketball-centric McLaughlin Group. And yes, I've already called being Pat Buchanan. Sorry Joe, but you're just going to have to settle for Eleanor Clift. On that note, ISSUE NUMBAH ONE!!!
1) NBA Trade Deadline: Winners and Losers
Blade:
Well, I think the biggest winner is clearly Shawn Marion. I bet you money that he now wakes up every morning, gets down on his knees, and thanks God that he no longer has to share the ball on the perimeter. In Toronto, all he has to do is catch and shoot -- be it on the break, cutting through the half court, or just standing in the corner before launching one of those Sam Perkins-esque "Oh My God That's The Most Hideous Thing I've Ever Oh My God It Actually Went In" three-pointers he loves. He really needs to be thanking his lucky stars that he's playing with an elite point guard again. As we saw in Miami, without that Nash/Calderon-type distributor, The Matrix quickly forgets his kung fu.
Runner up: Chicago. How in God's name did John Paxon turn Drew Gooden and Andres Nocioni into Brad Miller and John Salmons?? How long did it take Paxon to say yes to that? Three seconds? Two? He also managed to dump Larry Hughes on the Knicks. Granted, he only received Timmy Thomas in return, but I've actually kind of got a good feeling about Ol' Double Headband in Chicago. With Rose running the show, I think he'll be able to jog from three point line to three point line and still produce either in transition or off the drive and kick. Of course, he could go for 25 every night if he ever got in shape and actually TRIED TO HELP HIS TEAM, but that's another story for another time.
Striker, you got some losers for me, dawg?
Striker: Losers, eh? Other than Mike? Umm..I would say Sacramento, but it appears their moves are just to make cap space so they did fine. Frankly, I'd say Milwaukee, even though they did nothing. Actually, because they did nothing. Obviously Pritchard was offering less for Richard Jefferson + Ridnour than they wanted to accept and Bucks fans are probably happy that their team hasn't gone into complete tank mode, but what exactly are they trying to accomplish? I guess instead of taking the cap space and rebuilding through the draft around Ramon Sessions they'll have to enjoy watching an aging star continually lead them to the 10th seed in the Eastern conference. I'd be pissed.
Other than that, so few trades were made that there really were no big losers at the deadline. A huge portion of the trades that went down were purely for financial purposes, with teams trading scrubs with weird contracts back and forth to gain cap space either now or sometime in the future.
Oh I forgot...MICHAEL RUFFIN, BITCHES!!!
How could I forget? Sorry BULLS, how could you trade the perennial bench player behind this masterpiece:
The Ruffin Man FTW!!!
2) Bone Chips, Detached Retinas, and Sore Knees, Oh My!!
Striker: Well, it looks like David Stern forgot to select the "Turn Off Injuries" option on his non-fictional season of 2k9 because key players have been dropping like flies in the past few months. I'll refer you here for our thoughts on some injuries a month ago, but with a fresh new batch of pain to discuss, the biggest impact an injury will have on a team (in my opinion) is: Greg Oden. Ok, maybe this is my homerism speaking but, depending on how long Old Greg is sidelined, the Blazers are in a pretty precarious situation. Thank God for Pryz, the best backup center in the league. That said, what happens when Pryz goes out? Channing Frye comes in. This is bad. Like, 1/2 a Frye with no Frye sauce bad. Case in point, Wednesday's game against Memphis:
Ok, that's pretty much unreadable, but the point is that Joel is a +19 and Channing is a -10. Normally I don't give much weight to the +/- statistic, but in this case it is very representative. The Blazers were up 12 with about 6 minutes left in the second quarter when Joel came out, pushing Frye to the center position. We finished the quarter up 4. Let's just say, when the Blazers match up against Western Conference and division rivals in the last 30 games of the season, WE WANT GREG. Not Channing. Blade, what do you think? What injury is going to be the most costly? The least costly?Blade:
You know, considering I wasn't able to dump Drew Gooden before the trade deadline in our fantasy league, I'm going to have to take Striker's "loser" comment in stride. God, I hate Drew Gooden.
Injuries, eh? Well, I know everybody's up in a huff about Amare's eyeball (seriously, if you don't believe me, just go to ESPN), but I think I'm going to go against the grain on this one. Here's why: I don't think the Suns were making the playoffs with Amare in the lineup anyway. That was a sinking ship, period. So at this point, there are two options for Phoenix:
The first involves the team plummeting to the bottom of the conference without their best player. What's the difference between finishing just out of playoff contention and taking dead last? Well, for one, a trip to the Lottery and an honorary Elgin Baylor sweater. Look, I'm not saying the Suns are actually going to lose their last 29 games without Amare in the lineup, but it's a fact that every game they lose from here on out actually improves their draft position next year. Considering that Oklahoma City owns Phoenix's first round pick in 2010, the Suns need to make this year's draft count if they're serious about rebuilding.
*Kobestoppers does not and has never condoned the shameful practice of tanking. Blade was simply making a point regarding the impact of Amare's injury on the floundering Suns. Thank you.*
The second option, if you'll excuse my blatant theft of a Simmons-ism, is the Ewing Theory. Under new head coach Alvin Gentry, these Suns are now classic underdogs instead of scorned underacheivers. All the pressure's off, and that makes them dangerous. If the performances against the Clips are any indication, Gentry's basically saying, "Screw it. Run the ball down their throat, Steve." Look for Barbosa and Barnes to step up in Amare's absence.
No matter which future takes place for these Suns, Amare's injury will not hurt them as bad as everybody seems to think it will. No, the most devastating injury so far has been Jameer Nelson's. I know what you're thinking, but hear me out. Nelson was playing OUT OF HIS MIND this year. But more than just putting up great numbers, he had become the silent leader of that Magic squad. He consistently stepped up this year and hit big threes and clutch free throws. When a team loses its floor general and replaces him with a combination of Anthony Johnson, Tyronn Lue and whatever Skip To My Lou's real name is, that's devastating. With Nelson, Orlando had a legitimate shot to sneak into the Finals. Without him, I think they're going down in round two.
3) Western Conference: Who's IN?
Blade
I got some seeds for ya. PREACH IT!
1) LA KOBE
2) San Antonio
3) Denver
4) Portland
5) New Orleans
6) Utah
7) Houston
8) Dallas
These first three are locks. I can't see the Hornets catching the Spurs, and I think Denver's going to take care of business in this last third of the season.
The next three are a little tricky, but I think that despite Greg's health concerns, the Blaze will pull together and slide into that fourth seed. It also doesn't hurt that we're playing OKC twice and Memphis three times. If the Blazers take care of business at home (15 of the remaining 29 games are at the Rose Garden), we should be able to hold off CP3's Hornets and Slightly Worse Than CP3's Jazz.
The seventh and eighth seeds could go either way, but I like Houston to beat out Dallas for the title of "Second Crappiest." The departure of Alston allows Aaron Brooks to step into the spotlight, where he should have been for most of this season. The absence of T-Mac also provides another Ewing Theory scenario. Artest and Battier will probably step it up, resulting in better ball movement in the half court and more open looks. Because of their lack of depth, also look for Lowry to get some decent minutes both backing up Brooks and playing along side him as a combo guard.
And don't forget about Phoenix. I almost went balls out and threw them in the sixth seed. Realistically, they're probably not going to get in, but I'm giving them a 20 percent chance of just tearing s--- up for these last 30 games. Stranger things have happened.
That's it for me. Strike-Nasty, how do you see it going down in the Wild Wild West?
Striker
Well, I'm going to have to disagree with you a little on this one, Blade, because you are wrong.
1) LA KOBE BLACK MAMBA 99% ACCURACY AND PRECISION AT MAXIMUM SPEED.
'Nuff said.
2) The Denver JR Smith I hate you with a passion and want to shave that Luigi moustache while you sleep.
Denver has been fantastic this year and, if anything, they are improving as the team continues to gel. Most folks point to Chauncey Billups turning this squad around from a year ago. This certainly has something to do with it, but he does not get all the credit here. As my friend and avid Nugget enthusiast Adam eagerly pointed out, Nene (sorry I can't figure out how to put the ^ above his name) has been an absolute beast for the team. While Camby was defensive player of the year for them in the past and put up huge rebounding and block numbers, Nene is simply a better fit in their system and much more effective on the offensive end. Look for them to start to distance themselves from the pack (other than the KOBE, obviously) because of:
3) The San Antonio Manu Ginobili's ankles are made of partially-cooked spaghetti noodles.
The Spurs have quietly creeped into the third spot in the West, and I think they will stay there. Yes, they are notorious for "turning it on" in the last 1/3 of the season and into the playoffs, but I think the loss of Manu for up to three weeks will cause them to drop some games and subsequently be unable to catch the Nuggs for the second seed. That said, when the playoffs do roll around, YOU DO NOT WANT TO PLAY THIS TEAM. Duncan/Parker (and Manu, if healthy) will be as efficiently effective as always and, if Roger Mason keeps dropping bombs like he has been during the regular season, they will likely go pretty deep.
4) The Portland Jesus Christ this is going to be a nervewracking finish please stay healthy Greg.
Portland is in a great position to get the fourth spot (and maybe even the third if they can stay healthy and beat all the teams they should beat). Big games in the final 29 of the schedule: SA twice (away and home), LA KOBE twice (both at home), and Denver twice (away and home). Stealing half of these games would be good, more than that would put them in great position going into the postseason.
5) The Utah We love the Family Circus sooooo much in Utah.
The Jazz have been affected by injuries perhaps more than any team in the West besides the Rockets. First it was Deron Williams, then it was Boozer, then Millsap was spotty for a few weeks, then AK47 was out. If they didn't have little Jeffy running willy-nilly and good ol' Gramps watching over them from above, I think Jazz fans might have gone crazy. That said, if and when they can finally get healthy they will be the scariest of the lower seeds. Williams/Kirilenko/Millsap/Boozer/Okur is a scary good lineup if they can all get on the floor. I think they make a push the last months and get the 5 seed.
6) The New Orleans It's not you, Tyson, it's us...oh never mind actually you are the greatest.
The Hornets are going to lose in the first round of the playoffs. Book it, put it in your pipe, call your bookie, whatever you do. You heard it here. The team that lost in the Western Conference semifinals is sputtering toward the finish this year. After the botched Tyson Chandler trade, he comes back to New Orleans...only to keep sitting with a bum ankle. If your team just tried to trade you to create cap space, would you be in a huge hurry to come back from injury and bust your ass for them? CP3 is unreal, David West is a good player, but the Hornets bench has been less than spectacular and James Posey has not lived up to the hype. If they meet the Spurs in the first round they're toast in 5.
7) The Houston Maybe if T-Mac isn't playing we can win a playoff series.
But no, you can't. After the Rafer Alston/Kyle Lowry trade things are going to be interesting at the point in Houston. Blade (see above) seems convinced that Brooks is the new starter in Houston, but I'm not so sure. AB has been great off the bench and frankly is a better scorer/spot-up shooter than a true point guard distributor. Brooks will get increased minutes and his production will be key, but I see Lowry starting at the point for Houston. Yao is a great player, but can he really lead them on any kind of playoff run? Striker is doubtful.
8) The Dallas How worthless is Dirk Nowitski going to be by the time Mark Cuban finally trades him?
I agree with Blade that Dallas is the last team that limps into the playoffs, then gets swept (probably) by Mamba & Co. We know this team can't win anything major, but the way Kidd has been hitting the three and the fact that Dirk is still Dirk (at least for now) I think they are still a playoff team in the West. Oh, and that NBA Where Dirk Happens commercial that announces "Where my best is yet to come happens"? Uhhh....I'm not so sure about that one.
Well that's it for BasketWar '99. Portland takes on the Hawks in t-minus 86 minutes and counting. Stay tuned.
2 comments:
You both have Dallas as the eight seed? I hope this is an attempt at the elusive "reverse jinx" to get them in as the 5 seed so the blazers can smoke em. Other than that, these prognostications seem well confabulated. Yep, that happened.
I'd rather smoke the Nugs come playoff time.
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