Links! Basketball Links!

What's up, maniacs?

After a little break, I'm happy to announce that the Kobestoppers are back in full swing. Both Striker and I apologize for our lack of updates these past two weeks, but in our defense, we had a LOT of Street Fighter IV to play. Can you say flying, spinning piledriver? Cause Joe sure can. He knows how to spell that one backwards and forwards after that Soviet beatdown I laid on his candy ass with Zangief.

Anyway, I figure that there's no better way to get back into the swing of things than with some Basketball Links. So come on, kids. Jump on the magic bus and start wasting even more time at work.


LA Kobe/Cleveland LeBron makeout session


Just in case you needed another reason to hate these two. Remember when rival players used to show animosity toward each other? Since I've already linked to the McHale/Rambis clothesline clip several times, I'll spare you guys this once. My point is, nowadays it's like everybody has that Magic/Isiah pregame hug/kiss routine going on. Remember last year when LeBron and Paul Pierce both exploded for like 40+ in their playoff series against each other? Didn't it seem like both of them were congratulating each other AS IT WAS HAPPENING? Smiling, high-fiving, essentially letting everyone know that, "Hey, we're happy we're both doing well for our respective teams!"

You know what MJ would have done? He would have stared the other guy down, demanded to guard him, and said, "Look, I don't know exactly what you think you're doing here, but there is no f***ing way you're outplaying me tonight."

The NBA: Where awesome crap like that used to happen.


"Kemp all over that rebound like a bad suit."


Speaking of awesome stuff that used to happen, check out this Shawn Kemp Top 10 Dunks clip. I've reviewed it approximately 200 times, and both Striker and I agree that this is the most impressive Top 10 Dunks clip on Youtube. It's better than Dominique's. Better than Clyde's. Better than MJ's. Seattle fans, think of this more as an homage than a dig at you poor bastards not having a franchise anymore. Remember the good times.


Hollinger's Per Diem on the Magnificent Seven

While I'll always be partial to The Natural as a nickname for Brandon, Hollinger makes a solid case. More importantly (or perhaps unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), he hits the nail on the head in describing Brandon's game. Surprise, fans on the east coast!


"The Birdman flies in any weather."


I guess what I'm trying to say is, we have absolutely no shot at getting a win tonight. Not with Birdman Andersen on watch.


That's it for right now, maniacs. Up next: In-depth previews of the seven squads we could potentially face in the playoffs.

Oh, you didn't know? We keep it real sexy like that.

That's the BIRD CALL.

Jerryd Baymore

If you're like me, you've already watched this countless times, but here it is anyway:



I love how he is so excited by this play that he didn't even notice he got fouled (and frankly, he didn't get fouled).

I think it is time for an all-Blazer dunk contest, maybe on fan appreciation night? Bayless vs. Rudy vs. Outlaw. Enough said.

Links! Basketball Links!

OK boys and girls, you know the routine by now. Who's ready for some videos des baskets?

"Ees a sooprize."

I imagine all of you maniacs out there have seen the NBA's "Vote one of these talented rookies into the Dunk...er...the SPRITE RISING SUPERNOVA SLAMSATION!" commercials during a recent Blazer broadcast. I must confess, one particular candidate has wooed me into a full-blown schoolboy man crush. He did this with two simple, beautiful words:

"Vote me."

And so we will, Rudy. We will vote you. As God as my witness, people...if you don't vote him...heads will roll.

Heads. Will roll.

He's Old Greg


Striker (green pants) has brought it to my attention that we've made many an Old Greg joke on this little electroperiodical of ours, and yet simple theory and calculation would indicate that very few if any readers have actually seen the material we've been referencing.

So, after watching the above video, if you want to play the game, all you do is this:
1) Scream "I'm Old Greg!!" after every Greg dunk.
2) Scream "Make an assessment!" after every Greg block.
3) Say "Do you love me?" after Greg makes a free throw.
4) Say "Funk Shake" if he misses a free throw.

Oh, and make sure you're drinking more whiskey than you probably should during all this. Ummmm...yeah. That's the clincher, really.

"De La Hoya/Pacquiao"


OK, scale of one to ten, how disappointed were you that they didn't let Pryz and T-Chand throw down? I'm a 17, personally. Even with a broken wrist, I figure the line is about:

Pryz: -475
Chandler: +380

Tyson's got that huge reach, but something tells me Pryz's heart, chin, and effective body punching would spell disaster for the chicken strip king. In fact, I've taken the liberty of simulating what the fight would look like had it occurred, and it goes a little something like this:


Special thanks to Bustabucket for uploading the Comcast clip. One final note: check out the old guy in the championship era sweater at 1:22 and 4:00. First, he admonishes Chandler for his poor sportsmanship. Then, after Chandler is ejected, Old Guy patronizingly stands and waves "bye-bye" as Chandler exits the floor. I don't know who this man is, but I need to find out. I'm making him another of my honorary grandpas.

Well, that's the end of the road, maniacs. Now go get ready for a tough Philly squad headed by none other than our former father-figure and sometimes lover, Mo Cheeks.