It was prophesied by the ancient ones that one day a savior would descend upon Rip City from the uncharted northern territories to deliver them from the darkness that had devoured their once prosperous land. It was said that this Warrior of Time would possess the strength of 10,000 mortal men and wield strange magic capable of defeating any foe. Citizens of Portland, the time of deliverance is upon you. For the one they call Roy has fulfilled his destiny. I give you The Natural:
Game 2 was a dogfight. Houston fought us tooth-and-nail for 48 minutes, but each time they made a push, Brandon whipped out his shotgun and his chainsaw and started screaming, "Okay....who wants some? HUH? How about you? YOU want a little? HUH???? HUH???!!!!"
I can't wait to bounce somebody else's grandchild on my knee and tell them about the time Brandon Roy put the team on his back and scored 42 points to even the series at a game a piece. I'm positively giddy about the fact that I now have new Blazers stories to tell. I couldn't be happier with how Brandon stepped up and hit big shot after big shot, despite getting virtually no whistles at the rim.
That said, it wasn't ALL about Brandon last night (only 80-85% about Brandon, I'd say), which is why I have a few game notes for all you maniacs:
- I gotta show LMA some love. Way to step your game up, big man. I was begging for that fade-away over the right shoulder all during Game 1, since Scola was clogging up the lane so nicely. The L-Train did not disappoint, rolling for 27 and 12 on 11 for 19 shooting. The scoring was nice, but the rebounding was huge. Without that effort, Houston definitely wins the rebounding battle and possibly steals the game.
- Joey Crawford gives calls to the road team out of spite. I think he's obsessed with proving that he doesn't feel pressure from the fans to make calls for the home team. I'm convinced of this, so don't try to tell me any different. I will hear no more arguments.
- In a battle of Old Lion vs. Old Lion, Greg asserted his dominance as the oldest player on the court and snatched the cobweb-covered torch from the worn and wrinkly hands of Dikembe Mutombo. In all seriousness, it's really unfortunate that Dikembe went down like that. He's done a ton for the game and a ton for his country. He exemplifies everything that a pro athlete should be. You know when a guy goes down and every one of his teammates runs out to check on him that the injured player is important to his team. Dikembe has said that he will need surgery and that his playing days are over. What a shame. Thanks for the memories, big man. I, for one, will be extremely disappointed if you are not courtside for next year's All-Star Weekend.
- Derrick Stafford, you are a prince. Your whistle was the second most important factor in keeping us in that game next to Brandon being the new Jesus.
- When Brandon hit that three-pointer to close out the first quarter, I stood up and started screaming profanity without discretion at Ron Artest. Seriously you guys, I'm pretty sure half the stuff I yelled isn't even in Webster's Cursing Dictionary. So, you know, don't let me hang out with your kids, I guess.
- I was loving the Twin Towers for all THREE MINUTES they were allowed to be on the floor at the same time. What a joke. My good friend, Mambasucker T, informed me earlier today that Houston fans were actually complaining about the officiating being unfair to Yao. To that, I will say this: Greg fouled out for playing the EXACT same type of defense as The Great Wall, whereas Yao could have pulled a gun, taken four spectators hostage and executed one of them at midcourt, all while spraying bullets at anything in a white jersey, and he wouldn't have picked up that fifth foul. So just shut up, OK?
- I liked the energy Rudy brought to the floor. I would really like to see him running off more picks away from the ball. It seems to me that Houston is excellent at packing the middle and playing on-ball defense. Away from the ball, however, shooters are getting free. Rudy found some gold coming off of picks, as did The Natural. I hope to see much more movement away from the ball so that Brandon doesn't have to do an MJ impression every night in order for us to win.
- We were finally able to run against this team, and it payed off big time. No doubt that we have a much easier time scoring after a defensive board than when we're constantly pulling the ball out of our own net. Houston is so physical on D that it helps to have a little chaos in the half court, which is exactly what happens after a failed fast break attempt. In other words, most of the time we get a better look in the halfcourt after we don't score on the break as opposed to walking it up. The moral of the story? Defense leads to offense.
- Houston is making a lot of difficult shots, especially AB and RonRon. Don't get me wrong, both are getting plenty of good looks at the rim, but there are also a fair share of shots that probably make Rick Adelman want to pull that goatee right off his face. Both of these guys are playing at a high level right now, but those off-balance jumpers that hang on the rim for seven seconds can't continue to go in with the frequency they have for the first two games. They're going to have an off shooting night at least once while they're at home. When that happens, we've got to seize the moment and step on their throat.
- I've also heard some clamoring from the other side that Pryz is a flopper. You know what, Rockets fans? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Scola and Yao put on Oscar-worthy performances every night they hit the hardwood, so don't start crying about Pryz drawing Yao's fourth foul with that Barry Horowitz-level sell job.
- Finally, I've been a little disappointed that Young Nicolas hasn't affected the series more. RonRon had a huge first quarter on Tuesday and got plenty of good looks in Game 1. Maybe we need to see The Dragon Emperor covering Brooks in Game 3, with Brandon defending Artest? No matter how you slice it, these Rockets are scoring effectively against our D. Come on Nicky, I want to see you flying around out there like a wasp on crystal meth. Steals, blocks, hands in faces, transition threes, whatever you can do to make a difference. It's time for Boom Boom Batum to make some noise.
That's all we got for you, maniacs. Check back for more playoff coverage as it develops, and keep the faith. Friday, we shake up the world.
Showing posts with label Brandon Roy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brandon Roy. Show all posts
3.05.2009
Links! Basketball Links!
What's up, maniacs?
After a little break, I'm happy to announce that the Kobestoppers are back in full swing. Both Striker and I apologize for our lack of updates these past two weeks, but in our defense, we had a LOT of Street Fighter IV to play. Can you say flying, spinning piledriver? Cause Joe sure can. He knows how to spell that one backwards and forwards after that Soviet beatdown I laid on his candy ass with Zangief.
Anyway, I figure that there's no better way to get back into the swing of things than with some Basketball Links. So come on, kids. Jump on the magic bus and start wasting even more time at work.
LA Kobe/Cleveland LeBron makeout session
Just in case you needed another reason to hate these two. Remember when rival players used to show animosity toward each other? Since I've already linked to the McHale/Rambis clothesline clip several times, I'll spare you guys this once. My point is, nowadays it's like everybody has that Magic/Isiah pregame hug/kiss routine going on. Remember last year when LeBron and Paul Pierce both exploded for like 40+ in their playoff series against each other? Didn't it seem like both of them were congratulating each other AS IT WAS HAPPENING? Smiling, high-fiving, essentially letting everyone know that, "Hey, we're happy we're both doing well for our respective teams!"
You know what MJ would have done? He would have stared the other guy down, demanded to guard him, and said, "Look, I don't know exactly what you think you're doing here, but there is no f***ing way you're outplaying me tonight."
The NBA: Where awesome crap like that used to happen.
"Kemp all over that rebound like a bad suit."
Speaking of awesome stuff that used to happen, check out this Shawn Kemp Top 10 Dunks clip. I've reviewed it approximately 200 times, and both Striker and I agree that this is the most impressive Top 10 Dunks clip on Youtube. It's better than Dominique's. Better than Clyde's. Better than MJ's. Seattle fans, think of this more as an homage than a dig at you poor bastards not having a franchise anymore. Remember the good times.
Hollinger's Per Diem on the Magnificent Seven
While I'll always be partial to The Natural as a nickname for Brandon, Hollinger makes a solid case. More importantly (or perhaps unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), he hits the nail on the head in describing Brandon's game. Surprise, fans on the east coast!
"The Birdman flies in any weather."
I guess what I'm trying to say is, we have absolutely no shot at getting a win tonight. Not with Birdman Andersen on watch.
That's it for right now, maniacs. Up next: In-depth previews of the seven squads we could potentially face in the playoffs.
Oh, you didn't know? We keep it real sexy like that.
That's the BIRD CALL.
After a little break, I'm happy to announce that the Kobestoppers are back in full swing. Both Striker and I apologize for our lack of updates these past two weeks, but in our defense, we had a LOT of Street Fighter IV to play. Can you say flying, spinning piledriver? Cause Joe sure can. He knows how to spell that one backwards and forwards after that Soviet beatdown I laid on his candy ass with Zangief.
Anyway, I figure that there's no better way to get back into the swing of things than with some Basketball Links. So come on, kids. Jump on the magic bus and start wasting even more time at work.
LA Kobe/Cleveland LeBron makeout session
Just in case you needed another reason to hate these two. Remember when rival players used to show animosity toward each other? Since I've already linked to the McHale/Rambis clothesline clip several times, I'll spare you guys this once. My point is, nowadays it's like everybody has that Magic/Isiah pregame hug/kiss routine going on. Remember last year when LeBron and Paul Pierce both exploded for like 40+ in their playoff series against each other? Didn't it seem like both of them were congratulating each other AS IT WAS HAPPENING? Smiling, high-fiving, essentially letting everyone know that, "Hey, we're happy we're both doing well for our respective teams!"
You know what MJ would have done? He would have stared the other guy down, demanded to guard him, and said, "Look, I don't know exactly what you think you're doing here, but there is no f***ing way you're outplaying me tonight."
The NBA: Where awesome crap like that used to happen.
"Kemp all over that rebound like a bad suit."
Speaking of awesome stuff that used to happen, check out this Shawn Kemp Top 10 Dunks clip. I've reviewed it approximately 200 times, and both Striker and I agree that this is the most impressive Top 10 Dunks clip on Youtube. It's better than Dominique's. Better than Clyde's. Better than MJ's. Seattle fans, think of this more as an homage than a dig at you poor bastards not having a franchise anymore. Remember the good times.
Hollinger's Per Diem on the Magnificent Seven
While I'll always be partial to The Natural as a nickname for Brandon, Hollinger makes a solid case. More importantly (or perhaps unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), he hits the nail on the head in describing Brandon's game. Surprise, fans on the east coast!
"The Birdman flies in any weather."
I guess what I'm trying to say is, we have absolutely no shot at getting a win tonight. Not with Birdman Andersen on watch.
That's it for right now, maniacs. Up next: In-depth previews of the seven squads we could potentially face in the playoffs.
Oh, you didn't know? We keep it real sexy like that.
That's the BIRD CALL.
1.27.2009
Joe Knows: Assault with a Leather Weapon Edition
I'd prefer it if you didn't get in my way... Your loss.
Sweet sassy molassey.
Kobestopper Mike and I have been kicking around an idea for a post which showcases Brandon's "sneaky athleticism." It has become apparent to us that, not only is Roy's athleticism underrated (in the 2006 NBA draft combine, Brandon's vertical was 40.5", here are other NBA players for comparison), but he is sneakily explosive and will unexpectedly unleash something tremendous when given the opportunity. According to these people who probably have no credibility, Kobe's vertical is a mere 38". Suck it, Mamba.
Needless to say, we will no longer be worried about writing this piece. Anyone who reads this blog that still questions Brandon's athleticism is officially dubbed a Mambasucker, the lowest of the low.
An open letter to Cheikh Samb:
This was quite possibly the dunk of the year so far.
Dear Mr. Samb,
The Portland Trail Blazers would like to thank you for your contribution to the franchise's 2008-2009 NBA season. Your courage in the face of extreme adversity has resulted in a wonderful video clip and one of our best-selling posters of all time. In honor of your sacrifice, and on behalf of the entire Blazers organization, we would like to present you with this Brandon Roy-autographed poster of yourself.
Sincerely,
Larry Miller, Kevin Pritchard, and Paul Allen
PS: If you are interested in being an obstacle for the dunk contest, please respond to this email and we would be happy introduce you to Rudy Fernandez.
Sidenote:
I was at the game last night and with about 3 minutes left Clippers fans were leaving the stadium in full force. I thought I might try to get down by the tunnel so I could get an autograph or even just a high five. As I tried to make my way down there, I was stopped by a woman who takes tickets and told I couldn’t go down there.
I said, “But everyone is leaving, there’s no one down there. I’m just trying to see if I can say hey to any of the players.” She adamantly refused.
I then turned around to find an angry Staples Center manager or something giving me the stink-eye. I pleaded my case with him as well but he was quite rude, simply saying “you can either go back to your seat or you can leave.”
I guess the point is: is this typical of NBA arenas? I’ve been to the Rose Garden a couple times but never with decent enough seats to try to make my way down near the court. Besides, at the RG fans actually stay to the end of the game, so its not 
like its wide open.
I mean, I’m sorry, but I thought this was America?! Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it was America.
Blah blah blah security and all that, but c’mon. It's a spectator sport.
1.25.2009
Running Diary - Wizards at Blazers
1/25/09
6:47, PST
Pre-game thoughts
- I was able to flip on Comcast early enough to catch most of the pre-game show. I just want to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back and say, “great decision, Mike.” The package of Sergio playing a full-court game with all these elementary school kids was absolutely priceless. Somebody should tell Serge that he probably shouldn’t show off his sick handles and obvious superiority when playing against children half his height. It was eerily similar to Cosmo Kramer’s karate class. Oh well, something to work on for next time, right?
- This was an especially amusing Google search that navigated yet another inevitably unsatisfied customer to the Kobe Stop Shop. To answer your question, dear reader, I have absolutely no f---ing clue why everybody goes crazy for Brian Scalabrini.
- Don’t catch the Songaila. I hear it’s been going around.
- Thank GOD I’m finally getting to watch a game in HD around here. I was losing my freaking mind. Seriously, I felt like an animal while I was watching that standard-def garbage. It was like some wild beast was pooping on my eyeballs or something. I even stopped using utensils to eat my traditional in-game meal, because I didn’t really see the point in adhering to the simple f---ing conventions of common f---ing courtesy while right before my very eyes my f---ing intelligence was being insulted by THIS PUTRID OPTICAL ONSLAUGHT OF BLURRINESS AND SORROW.
- Joe Prunty: I like you OK, but you’re no Dean Demopoulos.
Time for some Kobestoppers’ Mini-Keys:
- Hold Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison to fewer than 40 points combined. Make them take tough shots, and don’t lose Nick Young around that three-point line, especially in the second half.
- Establish Greg down low early and often. The Wiz should have no answer for his size and growing offensive repertoire. Heck, even run the offense through him. I think we’ve reached that point, don’t you?
First Quarter
7:11 – We start the game with two ugly possessions, and we give up an uncontested lay-up. Great.
7:13 – Brandon drives though traffic and switches hands about four times, mid-air, before finally deciding, “yeah…I think I’ll use my right hand for this one. Yeah, let’s use Ol’ Righty. You know, just to mix it up.” Something tells me he’s looking to get started early and regain that 52-point form.
7:17 – Non-existent charge called on Greg. Thank you, Steve Javie! That’s EXACTLY what our young center needs! We wouldn’t want him to get TOO comfortable with his back to the basket, now would we? Mmmmmm? Mmmmmmm?
**makes Judge Smails face**
7:22 – Sexy jump hook by Greg. He’s looking sharp on offense and affecting shots on defense. Take that, Steve Javie.
7:24 – LaMarcus absolutely emasculates Jamison down low and dunks the ball like he wanted revenge on it for slapping his mama.
7:25 – LMA does the exact same thing on the next possession. Seriously, Antawn may want to go back to the locker room and get checked out by the team physician. You know, just to make sure he’s okay after those back-to-back on-court castrations.
7:27 – The Blaze are playing excellent team D. If we’d stop turning the ball over, we’d probably be up 19 instead of nine.
7:30 – Aflac time! Wilt grabbed the most boards ever against the Blaze with 31. Who is second on that list? My money (for the first time ever, incidentally) is on Kareem.
7:33 – I’m pretty sure Trav actually left the troposphere on that put-back attempt. Unfortunately, he was shoved during the play, so he missed the shot. What’s that? Hahahaha, no, no, of course there were no whistles. Why would there be? You clearly haven’t watched enough NBA basketball. Silly goose. The good news is that despite the missed bucket, Trav did register an offensive rebound. If he grabs five total tonight, Mike Rice has promised to take him out to lunch. There’s a sitcom premise if I ever saw one.
Sidenote – The new “Courtside” commercial is hilarious for multiple reasons, but I was actually quite impressed with Mike Barrett’s handles. Watching him spin that ball on his finger and rifle that left-handed chest pass, I immediately entertained the possibility that Barrett is a baller and smiled with delight at the prospect of playing with him in a pickup game. Watching Rice and Wheeler, however, I could only think of that disgusting, gluey, ice-cold porridge I was made to choke down every morning as a youngster. Yuck.
Second Quarter
7:39 – Our energy sucks to start the quarter. Looks like we’ve slipped into our well known but widely despised “well, these guys aren’t that good, so let’s just start screwing around” mode. The Wiz are on a 12-3 run.
7:43 – Greg is everywhere. He’s crashing the boards, moving his feet on defense and getting great position down low. He’s doing everything right. His energy is keeping us alive during this otherwise frustrating mental lapse. He just drew a charge against Jamison. Greg for president.
7:51 – A beautiful double team forces the Wiz to throw it away. On the break, Rudy lobs to Brandon who misses a tough finish, but the rebound is put back by Travis with a thunderous jam. What do you bet Travis was muttering “Applebees, Applebees, Applebees…” to himself as he sprinted toward the rack for that jam?
Mike Rice: master motivator.
8:03 – Well, the game has sort of deteriorated to what I would lovingly refer to as either “rat” or “jungle” ball. We’re up 36-28, but I’m having a hard time keeping track of the game due to both the sloppy play and my roommate playing “Velociraptor Safari” on his laptop right next to me. And yes, it is EXACTLY as cool as it sounds.
8:06 – Sergio fouls Caron on a three-point attempt with 4.9 seconds left in the half. How do you say “stupid” in Spanish? 39-31, Blazers.
Halftime Thoghts
- Greg is awesome.
- Antawn Jamison forgot to show up in the first half. Don’t expect him to repeat his performance for the last two quarters.
- Make some shots, and we will win this game. Seriously, we had to shoot like 15 percent in that second quarter. Make shots. Win the game. No, I don’t…I said…I SAID I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, OKAY? THE LAST THING I NEED IS THE F---ING “THERE’S MORE TO THE GAME THAN SHOOTING” SPEECH FROM F---ING HOOSIERS RIGHT NOW, OKAY??? JUST…just…make some shots, and everything will be cool. Okay, hands in.
**looks around huddle with intensity**
I love you guys. TEAM!!!
Third Quarter
8:30 – Sergio dishes to Nic, then Roy for back-to-back treys. It would appear that we’ve suddenly remembered how to shoot the basketball. Unfortunately, so have the Wizards. Looks like the two-headed, white-wig-wearing dog monster known as CarAntawn is heating up. By the way, Brandon has six steals.
8:31 – Just so you guys know, “GRED ODEN” cups are now available for purchase at McDonald’s. Nicely done, CSN graphics designer.
8:33 – Nicolas does his best Dominique Wilkins impression off another Sergio assist. I actually shivered when he threw that one down.
8:34 – I’M OLD GREGGGGGG!!!! Sergio has six dimes in six minutes of second half play. And there’s ANOTHER dunk from Greg, this time off an unbelievable touch pass from Aldridge. Man, we’re moving the ball around like we warmed up to Sweet Georgia Brown tonight.
8:41 – We’ve regained that first-quarter swagger. Excellent energy out of the first unit here to start the second half. 66-44, Blaze.
8:46 – Rice comments on Nic’s “grace” and “agility.” Agreed.
8:47 – Songaila tries to infect Pryz, but instead just ends up fouling him, thank God.
Fourth Quarter
8:54 – An injured DeShawn Stevenson makes an on-screen cameo. He’s sporting a bowtie and a blue crushed velvet jacket. Hmmm. Maybe he lost a bet, or…oh, wait, I KNOW. He’s probably friends with Kanye! Duhhhh.
9:10 – Just in case you were, um, distracted by my – I mean, YOUR – roommate’s new laptop fixation, “Jetpack Brontosaurus,” I’ll give you a quick recap of the last 15 minutes.
- Roy hit from 16, pushing the lead back to 20.
- Rudy is 0-7, and the bench is 1-16. Yes, that’s correct. Our bench is shooting 6.5 percent from the field. Woof.
- The Wiz drilled back-to-back threes to cut the lead to 14 with 9:30 to go.
- The answer to the Aflac Random Stab was Wes Unseld. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s always somebody who used to play for the team we’re currently playing. Maybe I should call Sylvan Learning Center.
- Greg has 18 points and 14 boards. It feels like he’s got about 9 dunks, too. Anyway, back to the game:
9:11 - Rudy finally hits an open three, and Brandon swipes his eighth and NINTH steals!! Holy crap. He’s got 22/6/6 and nine steals…wait…TEN STEALS!! That's not possible! That’s an NBA JAM stat line!!
Unreal. Just unreal.
9:14 – Back-to-back Wiz threes cut it to 14 with two minutes to go. Why can’t we ever step on an opponent’s throat? Frankly, it’s getting pretty annoying. Nate seems to feel the same way. I would NOT want to be in that huddle right now.
9:18 – It’s 96-84, and the Rose Garden is rabid with Chalupa lust. Travis steals, scores, and then scores again on the next possession!!! Cha-lu-pas! Cha-lu-pas!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Final Score
Blazers 100
Wizards 87
Final Thoughts
- Brandon set a franchise record tonight for steals in a single game. God, he’s so cool.
- Greg has arrived. I’m crowing his ass. He is who I think he is. Old Greg is also Rapidly Maturing Greg. Beware, rest of the Association, for many dunks and blocked shots are coming your way.
That's it, maniacs. Nice win tonight. Good effort out of everybody. High fives.
Now go out and buy some rotten fruit to throw at Zach on Monday.
Update: To read a equally funny and well-written play-by-play of last night's game, check out Truth About It for a Wiz fan's point of view.
6:47, PST
Pre-game thoughts
- I was able to flip on Comcast early enough to catch most of the pre-game show. I just want to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back and say, “great decision, Mike.” The package of Sergio playing a full-court game with all these elementary school kids was absolutely priceless. Somebody should tell Serge that he probably shouldn’t show off his sick handles and obvious superiority when playing against children half his height. It was eerily similar to Cosmo Kramer’s karate class. Oh well, something to work on for next time, right?
- This was an especially amusing Google search that navigated yet another inevitably unsatisfied customer to the Kobe Stop Shop. To answer your question, dear reader, I have absolutely no f---ing clue why everybody goes crazy for Brian Scalabrini.
- Don’t catch the Songaila. I hear it’s been going around.
- Thank GOD I’m finally getting to watch a game in HD around here. I was losing my freaking mind. Seriously, I felt like an animal while I was watching that standard-def garbage. It was like some wild beast was pooping on my eyeballs or something. I even stopped using utensils to eat my traditional in-game meal, because I didn’t really see the point in adhering to the simple f---ing conventions of common f---ing courtesy while right before my very eyes my f---ing intelligence was being insulted by THIS PUTRID OPTICAL ONSLAUGHT OF BLURRINESS AND SORROW.
- Joe Prunty: I like you OK, but you’re no Dean Demopoulos.
Time for some Kobestoppers’ Mini-Keys:
- Hold Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison to fewer than 40 points combined. Make them take tough shots, and don’t lose Nick Young around that three-point line, especially in the second half.
- Establish Greg down low early and often. The Wiz should have no answer for his size and growing offensive repertoire. Heck, even run the offense through him. I think we’ve reached that point, don’t you?
First Quarter
7:11 – We start the game with two ugly possessions, and we give up an uncontested lay-up. Great.
7:13 – Brandon drives though traffic and switches hands about four times, mid-air, before finally deciding, “yeah…I think I’ll use my right hand for this one. Yeah, let’s use Ol’ Righty. You know, just to mix it up.” Something tells me he’s looking to get started early and regain that 52-point form.
7:17 – Non-existent charge called on Greg. Thank you, Steve Javie! That’s EXACTLY what our young center needs! We wouldn’t want him to get TOO comfortable with his back to the basket, now would we? Mmmmmm? Mmmmmmm?
**makes Judge Smails face**
7:22 – Sexy jump hook by Greg. He’s looking sharp on offense and affecting shots on defense. Take that, Steve Javie.
7:24 – LaMarcus absolutely emasculates Jamison down low and dunks the ball like he wanted revenge on it for slapping his mama.
7:25 – LMA does the exact same thing on the next possession. Seriously, Antawn may want to go back to the locker room and get checked out by the team physician. You know, just to make sure he’s okay after those back-to-back on-court castrations.
7:27 – The Blaze are playing excellent team D. If we’d stop turning the ball over, we’d probably be up 19 instead of nine.
7:30 – Aflac time! Wilt grabbed the most boards ever against the Blaze with 31. Who is second on that list? My money (for the first time ever, incidentally) is on Kareem.
7:33 – I’m pretty sure Trav actually left the troposphere on that put-back attempt. Unfortunately, he was shoved during the play, so he missed the shot. What’s that? Hahahaha, no, no, of course there were no whistles. Why would there be? You clearly haven’t watched enough NBA basketball. Silly goose. The good news is that despite the missed bucket, Trav did register an offensive rebound. If he grabs five total tonight, Mike Rice has promised to take him out to lunch. There’s a sitcom premise if I ever saw one.
Sidenote – The new “Courtside” commercial is hilarious for multiple reasons, but I was actually quite impressed with Mike Barrett’s handles. Watching him spin that ball on his finger and rifle that left-handed chest pass, I immediately entertained the possibility that Barrett is a baller and smiled with delight at the prospect of playing with him in a pickup game. Watching Rice and Wheeler, however, I could only think of that disgusting, gluey, ice-cold porridge I was made to choke down every morning as a youngster. Yuck.
Second Quarter
7:39 – Our energy sucks to start the quarter. Looks like we’ve slipped into our well known but widely despised “well, these guys aren’t that good, so let’s just start screwing around” mode. The Wiz are on a 12-3 run.
7:43 – Greg is everywhere. He’s crashing the boards, moving his feet on defense and getting great position down low. He’s doing everything right. His energy is keeping us alive during this otherwise frustrating mental lapse. He just drew a charge against Jamison. Greg for president.
7:51 – A beautiful double team forces the Wiz to throw it away. On the break, Rudy lobs to Brandon who misses a tough finish, but the rebound is put back by Travis with a thunderous jam. What do you bet Travis was muttering “Applebees, Applebees, Applebees…” to himself as he sprinted toward the rack for that jam?
Mike Rice: master motivator.
8:03 – Well, the game has sort of deteriorated to what I would lovingly refer to as either “rat” or “jungle” ball. We’re up 36-28, but I’m having a hard time keeping track of the game due to both the sloppy play and my roommate playing “Velociraptor Safari” on his laptop right next to me. And yes, it is EXACTLY as cool as it sounds.
8:06 – Sergio fouls Caron on a three-point attempt with 4.9 seconds left in the half. How do you say “stupid” in Spanish? 39-31, Blazers.
Halftime Thoghts
- Greg is awesome.
- Antawn Jamison forgot to show up in the first half. Don’t expect him to repeat his performance for the last two quarters.
- Make some shots, and we will win this game. Seriously, we had to shoot like 15 percent in that second quarter. Make shots. Win the game. No, I don’t…I said…I SAID I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, OKAY? THE LAST THING I NEED IS THE F---ING “THERE’S MORE TO THE GAME THAN SHOOTING” SPEECH FROM F---ING HOOSIERS RIGHT NOW, OKAY??? JUST…just…make some shots, and everything will be cool. Okay, hands in.
**looks around huddle with intensity**
I love you guys. TEAM!!!
Third Quarter
8:30 – Sergio dishes to Nic, then Roy for back-to-back treys. It would appear that we’ve suddenly remembered how to shoot the basketball. Unfortunately, so have the Wizards. Looks like the two-headed, white-wig-wearing dog monster known as CarAntawn is heating up. By the way, Brandon has six steals.
8:31 – Just so you guys know, “GRED ODEN” cups are now available for purchase at McDonald’s. Nicely done, CSN graphics designer.
8:33 – Nicolas does his best Dominique Wilkins impression off another Sergio assist. I actually shivered when he threw that one down.
8:34 – I’M OLD GREGGGGGG!!!! Sergio has six dimes in six minutes of second half play. And there’s ANOTHER dunk from Greg, this time off an unbelievable touch pass from Aldridge. Man, we’re moving the ball around like we warmed up to Sweet Georgia Brown tonight.
8:41 – We’ve regained that first-quarter swagger. Excellent energy out of the first unit here to start the second half. 66-44, Blaze.
8:46 – Rice comments on Nic’s “grace” and “agility.” Agreed.
8:47 – Songaila tries to infect Pryz, but instead just ends up fouling him, thank God.
Fourth Quarter
8:54 – An injured DeShawn Stevenson makes an on-screen cameo. He’s sporting a bowtie and a blue crushed velvet jacket. Hmmm. Maybe he lost a bet, or…oh, wait, I KNOW. He’s probably friends with Kanye! Duhhhh.
9:10 – Just in case you were, um, distracted by my – I mean, YOUR – roommate’s new laptop fixation, “Jetpack Brontosaurus,” I’ll give you a quick recap of the last 15 minutes.
- Roy hit from 16, pushing the lead back to 20.
- Rudy is 0-7, and the bench is 1-16. Yes, that’s correct. Our bench is shooting 6.5 percent from the field. Woof.
- The Wiz drilled back-to-back threes to cut the lead to 14 with 9:30 to go.
- The answer to the Aflac Random Stab was Wes Unseld. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s always somebody who used to play for the team we’re currently playing. Maybe I should call Sylvan Learning Center.
- Greg has 18 points and 14 boards. It feels like he’s got about 9 dunks, too. Anyway, back to the game:
9:11 - Rudy finally hits an open three, and Brandon swipes his eighth and NINTH steals!! Holy crap. He’s got 22/6/6 and nine steals…wait…TEN STEALS!! That's not possible! That’s an NBA JAM stat line!!
Unreal. Just unreal.
9:14 – Back-to-back Wiz threes cut it to 14 with two minutes to go. Why can’t we ever step on an opponent’s throat? Frankly, it’s getting pretty annoying. Nate seems to feel the same way. I would NOT want to be in that huddle right now.
9:18 – It’s 96-84, and the Rose Garden is rabid with Chalupa lust. Travis steals, scores, and then scores again on the next possession!!! Cha-lu-pas! Cha-lu-pas!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Final Score
Blazers 100
Wizards 87
Final Thoughts
- Brandon set a franchise record tonight for steals in a single game. God, he’s so cool.
- Greg has arrived. I’m crowing his ass. He is who I think he is. Old Greg is also Rapidly Maturing Greg. Beware, rest of the Association, for many dunks and blocked shots are coming your way.
That's it, maniacs. Nice win tonight. Good effort out of everybody. High fives.
Now go out and buy some rotten fruit to throw at Zach on Monday.
Update: To read a equally funny and well-written play-by-play of last night's game, check out Truth About It for a Wiz fan's point of view.
1.12.2009
The Kobestoppers’ Triumphant Return!
It’s official, the Kobestoppers have returned from a long holiday hiatus. Now I know what you all are thinking: “These guys are too lazy to keep the blog updated over the holidays.”
WRONG.
In fact, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for our extended absence, and since you readers are so skeptical and rude, I will share it with you:
Three weeks ago, Mike and I received a crucial message from an anonymous source.
Naturally, Mike (from now on to be referred to as Blade, the one with the white pants) and I (from now on to be referred to as Striker, the one with the green pants) took this as a direct challenge to our manhood. Oh, and I guess we wanted to save the president too.
We took to the streets, defeating countless ninjas which swarmed at us like clouds of angry insects. These ninjas (as well as ninja women and attack dogs) were highly skilled in combat and used a variety of methods of attack, including charging blindly, leaping with sword drawn, and tossing caltrops on the ground to limit our movement.
However, it quickly became clear that these ninjas underestimated our badness. With an arsenal of moves at our disposal, Blade and I (Striker) came at them like a whirlwind of green and white cloth, tossing around spinning kicks and nunchaku strikes like confetti at a parade.
To make a long story short, Blade and Striker saved the president and, after a quick round of burgers with the commander-in-chief, they took a well-deserved break.
Now that we’re all square, it’s time for a rundown of major events since the Bad Dudes last stopped Kobe:
12/22/08 – The Blazers lost 97-89 to a Carmello-less Nuggets team in Denver. Early foul trouble for Roy and Oden led to a poor start and the Blazer offense never really got flowing. The Birdman soared for 11 points, 3 rebounds, and a nauseating 6 blocks. I guess Nietzsche was right: God is dead. Either that or He’s a Nuggets fan, which is even worse.
12/23/08 – The Blazers won 101-92 over a Carmello-less Nuggets team in Portland. After scoring 14 points in the fourth quarter the night before, the Blazers put up 34 in the fourth quarter of this game. The Birdman was held to 8 points and 4 rebounds. Hallelujah.
12/25/08 – The Mavericks stole Christmas away from the Blazers, 102-94. In a close game, Portland was unable to score in the last 2:30. Dirk Nowitski had 30 points and has a tiny black heart. Jason Terry is an elf with gigantism.
12/27/08 – A gusty fourth-quarter performance by Roy gave the Blazers a 102-89 home win over the floundering Raptors. We found out later that Roy has strained a hamstring and is day-to-day, not exactly what Blazer fans wanted to hear before the big showdown against Boston.
12/30/08 – No Roy? No problem. The Blazers rode the hot shooting of Steve Blake and an angry Greg Oden to a 91-86 victory over the defending champs. This game is now infamous for the “6-on-5 play” in which the Blazers scored at the end of the third quarter with six men on the court. Perhaps just as memorable was the stupendous amount of bitching by my Boston fan friends that followed.
1/2/09 – The Roy-less Blazers were outscored 41-19 in the last 15 minutes of the game to lose 92-77 to New Orleans at home. Ugh. The only bright spot came in the form of a spat between Tyson Chandler and our own Vanilla Gorilla which resulted in Chandler’s ejection. After the game, Joel was quoted as saying “I told him he cries more than my 3-year-old son. He got mad.” Hooray for Pryz.
1/4/09 – The second showdown of the year against the LA Kobe ended much like the first. A lackluster third quarter for Portland resulted in a 100-86 victory for Mamba & Co. The Blazer bench scored a total of 10 points in the loss. Roy was greatly missed.
1/6/09 – LA Kobe stopped in Staples Center by the Hornets. Official Kobestopper of the Week Award goes to David West: 40/11 with two assists. Huzzah!
1/7/09 – Still without Roy, the Blazers defended the Rose Garden against a streaking Pistons team which surely had revenge on its mind from the Portland win in Detroit. This resulted in what was possibly the worst first half of basketball the Blazers have played all season. The Portland zone looked like a gigantic, spread-out turd, which, other than causing traction problems for the opposing team and possibly distracting them with its stench, is not going to prevent much scoring. Fortunately the second half was much better and, after a clutch jumper by Travis with seconds on the clock, Portland escaped with an 84-83 win.
1/9/09 – Dariusgate reaches full fervor. I don’t want to get too deep into these details, so let me refer you HERE if you want to know more (Thanks to Timmmay! at Blazer's Edge). It sucked.
1/10/09 – The Blazers outlasted the Warriors 113-100, behind 26 points from Aldridge and a newly returned Roy. Five players in double figures is a good amount.
That brings us to tonight, where the Blazers will face off against the Chicago Bulls in Illinois. Let me preview the game by providing you with the following pregame IM conversation between myself and my friend Adam (a Nuggets fan):
Adam: I hope that, during tonight’s game, a tiger escapes from the zoo and finds its way to the arena where it is being played. It runs onto the court and rips off Travis Outlaw's face, much to the horror of the other players and the spectators.
Me: Newsflash: Travis Outlaw is an alien, his skin actually an exoskeleton of super hard space diamond, and he would eat the tiger in one bite.
Adam: Well in that case, I'm calling the INS and he will be held in custody until an interstellar extradition is arranged between earth and his home planet, sending him back to where he came from. But only after serving a lengthy jail sentence in federal prison for fabricating citizenship documents and tampering with the interstate commerce that is the NBA.
Me: But, everyone would be safe from the tiger and he would be a national hero. Hundreds of thousands would gather at his hearings, supporting him until he is eventually freed to wild celebration in the streets, thus resulting in the opening of human-extraterrestrial relations and the greatest technological leap in human history.
The end of global warming, pollution, hunger, disease, war: a renaissance unlike any other.
All thanks to your tiger. So, thank you.
Adam: Regardless of all this, the Blazers would still be forced to forfeit all their victories due to their use of an illegal player and they would not go to the playoffs, which to me is far more satisfying than the end of war, poverty, global warming, etc.
Me: Typical Nuggets fan.
Adam: Typical Blazers fan.
I love the NBA.
WRONG.
In fact, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for our extended absence, and since you readers are so skeptical and rude, I will share it with you:
Three weeks ago, Mike and I received a crucial message from an anonymous source.
Naturally, Mike (from now on to be referred to as Blade, the one with the white pants) and I (from now on to be referred to as Striker, the one with the green pants) took this as a direct challenge to our manhood. Oh, and I guess we wanted to save the president too.
We took to the streets, defeating countless ninjas which swarmed at us like clouds of angry insects. These ninjas (as well as ninja women and attack dogs) were highly skilled in combat and used a variety of methods of attack, including charging blindly, leaping with sword drawn, and tossing caltrops on the ground to limit our movement.
However, it quickly became clear that these ninjas underestimated our badness. With an arsenal of moves at our disposal, Blade and I (Striker) came at them like a whirlwind of green and white cloth, tossing around spinning kicks and nunchaku strikes like confetti at a parade.
To make a long story short, Blade and Striker saved the president and, after a quick round of burgers with the commander-in-chief, they took a well-deserved break.
Now that we’re all square, it’s time for a rundown of major events since the Bad Dudes last stopped Kobe:
12/22/08 – The Blazers lost 97-89 to a Carmello-less Nuggets team in Denver. Early foul trouble for Roy and Oden led to a poor start and the Blazer offense never really got flowing. The Birdman soared for 11 points, 3 rebounds, and a nauseating 6 blocks. I guess Nietzsche was right: God is dead. Either that or He’s a Nuggets fan, which is even worse.
12/23/08 – The Blazers won 101-92 over a Carmello-less Nuggets team in Portland. After scoring 14 points in the fourth quarter the night before, the Blazers put up 34 in the fourth quarter of this game. The Birdman was held to 8 points and 4 rebounds. Hallelujah.
12/25/08 – The Mavericks stole Christmas away from the Blazers, 102-94. In a close game, Portland was unable to score in the last 2:30. Dirk Nowitski had 30 points and has a tiny black heart. Jason Terry is an elf with gigantism.
12/27/08 – A gusty fourth-quarter performance by Roy gave the Blazers a 102-89 home win over the floundering Raptors. We found out later that Roy has strained a hamstring and is day-to-day, not exactly what Blazer fans wanted to hear before the big showdown against Boston.
12/30/08 – No Roy? No problem. The Blazers rode the hot shooting of Steve Blake and an angry Greg Oden to a 91-86 victory over the defending champs. This game is now infamous for the “6-on-5 play” in which the Blazers scored at the end of the third quarter with six men on the court. Perhaps just as memorable was the stupendous amount of bitching by my Boston fan friends that followed.
1/2/09 – The Roy-less Blazers were outscored 41-19 in the last 15 minutes of the game to lose 92-77 to New Orleans at home. Ugh. The only bright spot came in the form of a spat between Tyson Chandler and our own Vanilla Gorilla which resulted in Chandler’s ejection. After the game, Joel was quoted as saying “I told him he cries more than my 3-year-old son. He got mad.” Hooray for Pryz.
1/4/09 – The second showdown of the year against the LA Kobe ended much like the first. A lackluster third quarter for Portland resulted in a 100-86 victory for Mamba & Co. The Blazer bench scored a total of 10 points in the loss. Roy was greatly missed.
1/6/09 – LA Kobe stopped in Staples Center by the Hornets. Official Kobestopper of the Week Award goes to David West: 40/11 with two assists. Huzzah!
1/7/09 – Still without Roy, the Blazers defended the Rose Garden against a streaking Pistons team which surely had revenge on its mind from the Portland win in Detroit. This resulted in what was possibly the worst first half of basketball the Blazers have played all season. The Portland zone looked like a gigantic, spread-out turd, which, other than causing traction problems for the opposing team and possibly distracting them with its stench, is not going to prevent much scoring. Fortunately the second half was much better and, after a clutch jumper by Travis with seconds on the clock, Portland escaped with an 84-83 win.
1/9/09 – Dariusgate reaches full fervor. I don’t want to get too deep into these details, so let me refer you HERE if you want to know more (Thanks to Timmmay! at Blazer's Edge). It sucked.
1/10/09 – The Blazers outlasted the Warriors 113-100, behind 26 points from Aldridge and a newly returned Roy. Five players in double figures is a good amount.
That brings us to tonight, where the Blazers will face off against the Chicago Bulls in Illinois. Let me preview the game by providing you with the following pregame IM conversation between myself and my friend Adam (a Nuggets fan):
Adam: I hope that, during tonight’s game, a tiger escapes from the zoo and finds its way to the arena where it is being played. It runs onto the court and rips off Travis Outlaw's face, much to the horror of the other players and the spectators.
Me: Newsflash: Travis Outlaw is an alien, his skin actually an exoskeleton of super hard space diamond, and he would eat the tiger in one bite.
Adam: Well in that case, I'm calling the INS and he will be held in custody until an interstellar extradition is arranged between earth and his home planet, sending him back to where he came from. But only after serving a lengthy jail sentence in federal prison for fabricating citizenship documents and tampering with the interstate commerce that is the NBA.
Me: But, everyone would be safe from the tiger and he would be a national hero. Hundreds of thousands would gather at his hearings, supporting him until he is eventually freed to wild celebration in the streets, thus resulting in the opening of human-extraterrestrial relations and the greatest technological leap in human history.
The end of global warming, pollution, hunger, disease, war: a renaissance unlike any other.
All thanks to your tiger. So, thank you.
Adam: Regardless of all this, the Blazers would still be forced to forfeit all their victories due to their use of an illegal player and they would not go to the playoffs, which to me is far more satisfying than the end of war, poverty, global warming, etc.
Me: Typical Nuggets fan.
Adam: Typical Blazers fan.
I love the NBA.
12.19.2008
Running Diary - Suns vs. Blazers
Blazers! Suns! The Rose Garden! Snow! Shaq vs. Oden II! Whoooooohooooo!!
Pregame Thoughts:
- The Blazers need a win tonight. Granted, Tuesday’s win over the lowly Kings snapped our mini-slump, but a victory over a Western conference rival and playoff contender would be huge for our confidence
- The newest addition to the ever-rotating Phoenix Suns fantasy squad is Jason Richardson. In two games with J-Rich, the Suns are 2-0 and look to be back to their high-scoring ways of the past. I’m looking at you, Batum, lock him down.
- Gameplan: Bash Terry Porter over the head and spread some hallucinogenic salve onto his wound like Locke does to Boone in “Lost.” Then leave him in the locker room with a Blazers’ jersey and a pair of short shorts. A Roy-Porter backcourt? Yes, please.
- The announcers make a point to mention again and again that the Suns have won the last 11 in a row against Portland. Last win, March 2006? Ouch. Let’s reverse the trend.
Without further ado, let’s rumble!
First Quarter:
11:40 – Aldridge hits a jumper to open the game. Does he start strong or what?
10:30 – Interesting big man series from the tip. First, Greg swats Amar’e HARD as he tries to go to the basket. Unfortunately, Shaq gets the board and takes it strong to Oden, dunking on his head and the foul. Is this trouble? No, as next time down the floor Blake penetrates nicely and dishes to Oden for the big two-handed slam.
The Suns throw it right back into Shaq, but Greg provides nice pressure and forces the travel. On the other end, the Blazers run the SAME EXACT PLAY, forcing Shaq to switch and leaving Oden all alone for the easy flush.
9:52 – Following a Richardson three, Oden gets deep position and flips in a baby hook over the Diesel. Glimpses of the future, folks.
The best part of this exchange was after Greg scored: He turned around and pumped his fist and flashed a smile. I can’t get enough.
7:33 – Great ball movement by Phoenix leads to an open Shaq under the basket. We’re doing a passable job at closing out on shooters thus far, but if they can spread the floor like that Shaquille will go off. This concerns me.
Also, Oden has picked up two quick fouls, as he seems to do against Shaq. Man, I hope he doesn’t get another, we won’t have a center…oh wait, I see a gigantic Vanilla Gorilla on the bench. Does he get to play?
6:25 – Roy drains a dirty 20-footer to cut it to 16-13, Suns.
Sidenote: WOW, the crowd is loud tonight. A couple questionable fouls early has the fans completely engaged. Punish those refs.
5:55 – Aldridge gets his hands up again and forces a turnover. I love this new side to his game. That’s two consecutive games with a steal, he’s going for the record!
4:18 – Brandon and Przybilla run the pick and roll beautifully, confuse the defenders, and Roy throws a sweet chest pass to Pryz under the basket for a slam.
Sidenote: Kevin Nealon is hosting “The Funniest Commercials of the Year” next week. Two things:
1) Why do they keep making these? They are God-awful. Who thinks to themselves: “Oh boy, let’s watch a show of commercials with commercial breaks mixed in!” I guess you could just record it and then fast-forward through the whole thing…
2) Is Kevin Nealon really so desperate? Does he know that prostitution is an option? It would probably be less demeaning.
3:08 – Aldridge comes flying in like a madman from the three point line to slam one down off the miss by Outlaw. LaMarcus is becoming a serious energy/hustle player to go with his sweet stroke. We need that tenacity and toughness.
2:35 – Amar’e does his best…Amar’e impression with a nasty throwdown over Joel. No one is stopping that.
0:47 – LMA drops in a hook and then nails a 15-foot jumper. He has 10 first quarter points to Amar’e’s 2.
0:09 – Roy isolates at the top of the key, switches to the left hand and hits the lay up, with the foul!! Then he hits the free throw. Then he delivers food to hungry children. Then he nurses a baby bird back to health. Then he throws the One Ring into the fires of Mt. Doom. Yes, he’s that good.
Second Quarter:
- At the end of the first, the Blazers lead 31-28. Both teams are shooting well and not playing much defense, but I guess that is to be expected.
10:26 – It appears Channing Frye has shrunk 3 inches and gained 40 pounds since Tuesday…wait, no, that’s Ike Diogu! Mike Fratello says that Nate told him before the game that Diogu was going to get minutes over Frye. I give this decision 4.5 Fryes with Frye sauce.
Anyway, Ike makes an instant impact by pretending like he’s capable of dunking from the free throw line. Nice play though, drawing the foul.
9:55 – A lazy Rudy pass gets picked off by Barbosa and he easily finishes in transition. To Rudy: Calm down, have a Marlboro Red, get in your groove.
9:00 – After Rudy dives to save a ball, Diogu misses a lay up under the basket. The Ike-man giveth, the Ike-man taketh away.
Sidenote: TNT has Aldridge “Mic’ed Up” for the first quarter. One of the clips shows LMA closing out on a Nash three pointer and yelling “AAARGH!!” as Nash shoots the ball. Do NBA players really do this? I mean, I do, but I need every advantage I can get.
7:20 – Rudy sneaks around for a nice steal, but can’t connect with Roy on the alley-oop attempt. I like it, just because it would have been so incredibly cool if it had worked.
6:25 – Matt Barnes comes in and hits back-to-back threes with Ike Diogu running full speed at him. He should try yelling “AAARGH!!” The Suns are suddenly up 10 and lighting up from behind the arc. Our second unit needs to step up and match the Suns’ intensity or else this lead is going to swell even more before halftime.
5:33 – Brandon cans a jumper from 19 feet. He’s quietly got 15 first half points. In the last week, he’s truly been asserting himself as the scorer we know he can be. I don’t know if it’s his confidence or struggling bench play or a pair of magic shoes he was given by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but I like it.
4:39 – Angry Greg with a gigantic block on Barbosa, but then a dumb foul on Barnes when he drives to the hoop. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry…
3:08 – Blake hits a three, capping off his run of 10 straight Blazer points. He is so dangerous when he’s feeling it.
1:05 – Great ball movement around leads to a wide open Rudy three pointer. He’s been quiet, but if you’re like me you think that every time he shoots a three it’s going in.
0:06 – Brandon isolates and gets to the line again. He can seriously do this at will. He hits both and now has 21 for the quarter! Holy crap, why are the announcers not noticing this? It’s all about the Shaqtus, I suppose.
0:02 – Speaking of the Shaqtus, the Blazers play terrible transition D on the inbounds play and Shaq gets an easy lay up and the foul. Why even pressure the ball in this situation? Argh.
Halftime: 66-59 Suns lead.
- Charles Barkley refuses to acknowledge the Christmas music and theme of the show, saying only “Christmas is next week.” He’s got my vote for governor of Alabama, right there.
- The Blazers are getting beat in almost every statistical category, including field goal percentage, rebounds, assists, fast break points, three pointers, number of tattoos, and number of aging superstars. Category we aren’t losing in? Number of extinct creatures, beasts, and extraterrestrials. Frankly, we’re pretty lucky to be down only 7.
Third Quarter:
11:25 – There’s a battle brewing between LaMarcus and Amar’e. Stoudemire nails a long two and Aldridge answers with a back-to-the-basket baby hook. Score update: random capitalizations: 1, random apostrophes: 1.
9:55 – There’s those active hands of LMA again, which leads to a sweet hook deep in the post.
8:10 – Blake hits another three, he’s got 17 for the game! He’s out-Nashing Nash right now, and I love it.
6:50 – Jason Richardson hits another three pointer, putting the Suns up by 9. We are right in this, but with the game at this speed it takes only a few bad breaks to blow this game open. We’re treading water right now.
Sidenote: I’m usually not one to pick on officials, but this game has been very poorly officiated thus far. Oden just got called for a supposed “push” on Shaq. This must be similar to the “boost” that Sarah Palin gave the McCain campaign. Boos rain down on the court: Blazer fans rock.
5:03 – Roy drains a three to keep us alive, 85-77. Still, the announcers fail to take note of the fact that he has 28 points. Through two and a half quarters. Keep ‘em coming.
3:29 – Roy scores on a driving lay up, and the foul on Nash. The man just scored 15 straight Blazer points. He now has 36 points. Hey Nash, TELL ME HOW MY ASS TASTES!
2:23 – Travis drives to the hoop and flips it in beautifully with the right hand. I get a big smile on my face every time he takes it to the hoop. Travis: You are freakishly athletic. Your body was meant to drive to the cup. DO IT MORE.
Sidenote: The Hyundai commercial voice-over says “Ah, if only the holidays could last a little longer.” Yeah, then we could listen to holiday music longer, have to deal with holiday commercials longer, and waste that much more time and money on gifts that we don’t know if people want! Great!
0:00 – Great energy from Trout off the bench. He hit three jumpers and he just tipped in a score off a (rare) Brandon miss at the buzzer.
Fourth Quarter:
Disclaimer: I was trying and struggling to take notes in the second half, but by the fourth quarter I mostly ended up either jumping around like an idiot in celebration or punching my couch in frustration so hard I got rug burn on my hand. My apologies in advance.
11:30 – The Rose Garden crowd just registered for its zebra hunting license. Rudy just intentionally fouled Amar’e in the key, after which he took two steps and laid the ball in. The refs called continuation, giving Stoudemire the bucket and the foul. Ridiculous.
10:05 – Blake gets a steal and kicks it up court to Roy, who gets fouled going to the hole. Two free throws later he’s got 40 points, a new career-high, and MVP chants raining down from the stands.
7:30 – Barnes hits a three to tie it at 106. We are witnessing an incredibly competitive game, folks.
5:18 – Oh. My. God. Brandon rocks Barnes to sleep at the top of the arc and buries a three in his eye. Matt Barnes shakes hands with Roy, takes off his jersey, unlaces his shoes, and walks into the locker room.
OK, not really, but he might as well have. 43 points for Brandon.
4:42 – Roy misses, but BIG GREG IS THERE! The offensive rebound is swung out, comes to Travis who takes it to the hole for the chance for a three point play. We are simply out-hustling the Suns right now.
3:32 – 45 points. Gadzooks!
3:12 – 47 points.
2:57 – Barnes hits a huge three to put the Suns back on top by 1. I have an idea: let’s not leave him wide open in the corner. Got a job for me, KP?
1:00 – 50 points.
0:09 – FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
0:05 – Reggie Miller tells us “If you can get a turnover, you can get the ball back.” I don’t know about that, but he used to play so I will trust him.
0:00 – FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
Post-Game Observations:
- Brandon Roy was simply unstoppable tonight. The Suns tried Barnes, Richardson, Barbosa, it didn’t matter. I’ve been watching the Blazers for pretty much my entire life. I have never seen an individual performance like the one we witnessed in this game. I am in awe. I always knew Brandon was going to be a great player in this league, but I didn’t realize until tonight what he is truly capable of. Woweee, wow, wow, wow.
- Brandon’s game aside, a few key Trail Blazers had huge games which made all the difference for us tonight: Greg Oden (in limited minutes) had two game-changing offensive rebounds in the fourth quarter. Travis Outlaw also had some key rebounds, but more importantly had 14 points, 12 of them in a 5 minutes span. Aldridge played gutsy defense and made some big buckets, none more important than an 18-foot bank shot with the shot clock running out late in the 4th. Steve Blake had 22 points and 10 assists on 8-15 shooting. You guys rock.
- FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
- Small issue: We need to work on our inbounds plays late in games. This is the second time recently when, late in the game, we failed to get the ball inbounds and had to call a timeout. It worked out this time, but against the Magic, not so much.
- FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
Pregame Thoughts:
- The Blazers need a win tonight. Granted, Tuesday’s win over the lowly Kings snapped our mini-slump, but a victory over a Western conference rival and playoff contender would be huge for our confidence
- The newest addition to the ever-rotating Phoenix Suns fantasy squad is Jason Richardson. In two games with J-Rich, the Suns are 2-0 and look to be back to their high-scoring ways of the past. I’m looking at you, Batum, lock him down.
- Gameplan: Bash Terry Porter over the head and spread some hallucinogenic salve onto his wound like Locke does to Boone in “Lost.” Then leave him in the locker room with a Blazers’ jersey and a pair of short shorts. A Roy-Porter backcourt? Yes, please.
- The announcers make a point to mention again and again that the Suns have won the last 11 in a row against Portland. Last win, March 2006? Ouch. Let’s reverse the trend.
Without further ado, let’s rumble!
First Quarter:
11:40 – Aldridge hits a jumper to open the game. Does he start strong or what?
10:30 – Interesting big man series from the tip. First, Greg swats Amar’e HARD as he tries to go to the basket. Unfortunately, Shaq gets the board and takes it strong to Oden, dunking on his head and the foul. Is this trouble? No, as next time down the floor Blake penetrates nicely and dishes to Oden for the big two-handed slam.
The Suns throw it right back into Shaq, but Greg provides nice pressure and forces the travel. On the other end, the Blazers run the SAME EXACT PLAY, forcing Shaq to switch and leaving Oden all alone for the easy flush.
9:52 – Following a Richardson three, Oden gets deep position and flips in a baby hook over the Diesel. Glimpses of the future, folks.
The best part of this exchange was after Greg scored: He turned around and pumped his fist and flashed a smile. I can’t get enough.
7:33 – Great ball movement by Phoenix leads to an open Shaq under the basket. We’re doing a passable job at closing out on shooters thus far, but if they can spread the floor like that Shaquille will go off. This concerns me.
Also, Oden has picked up two quick fouls, as he seems to do against Shaq. Man, I hope he doesn’t get another, we won’t have a center…oh wait, I see a gigantic Vanilla Gorilla on the bench. Does he get to play?
6:25 – Roy drains a dirty 20-footer to cut it to 16-13, Suns.
Sidenote: WOW, the crowd is loud tonight. A couple questionable fouls early has the fans completely engaged. Punish those refs.
5:55 – Aldridge gets his hands up again and forces a turnover. I love this new side to his game. That’s two consecutive games with a steal, he’s going for the record!
4:18 – Brandon and Przybilla run the pick and roll beautifully, confuse the defenders, and Roy throws a sweet chest pass to Pryz under the basket for a slam.
Sidenote: Kevin Nealon is hosting “The Funniest Commercials of the Year” next week. Two things:
1) Why do they keep making these? They are God-awful. Who thinks to themselves: “Oh boy, let’s watch a show of commercials with commercial breaks mixed in!” I guess you could just record it and then fast-forward through the whole thing…
2) Is Kevin Nealon really so desperate? Does he know that prostitution is an option? It would probably be less demeaning.
3:08 – Aldridge comes flying in like a madman from the three point line to slam one down off the miss by Outlaw. LaMarcus is becoming a serious energy/hustle player to go with his sweet stroke. We need that tenacity and toughness.
2:35 – Amar’e does his best…Amar’e impression with a nasty throwdown over Joel. No one is stopping that.
0:47 – LMA drops in a hook and then nails a 15-foot jumper. He has 10 first quarter points to Amar’e’s 2.
0:09 – Roy isolates at the top of the key, switches to the left hand and hits the lay up, with the foul!! Then he hits the free throw. Then he delivers food to hungry children. Then he nurses a baby bird back to health. Then he throws the One Ring into the fires of Mt. Doom. Yes, he’s that good.
Second Quarter:
- At the end of the first, the Blazers lead 31-28. Both teams are shooting well and not playing much defense, but I guess that is to be expected.
10:26 – It appears Channing Frye has shrunk 3 inches and gained 40 pounds since Tuesday…wait, no, that’s Ike Diogu! Mike Fratello says that Nate told him before the game that Diogu was going to get minutes over Frye. I give this decision 4.5 Fryes with Frye sauce.
Anyway, Ike makes an instant impact by pretending like he’s capable of dunking from the free throw line. Nice play though, drawing the foul.
9:55 – A lazy Rudy pass gets picked off by Barbosa and he easily finishes in transition. To Rudy: Calm down, have a Marlboro Red, get in your groove.
9:00 – After Rudy dives to save a ball, Diogu misses a lay up under the basket. The Ike-man giveth, the Ike-man taketh away.
Sidenote: TNT has Aldridge “Mic’ed Up” for the first quarter. One of the clips shows LMA closing out on a Nash three pointer and yelling “AAARGH!!” as Nash shoots the ball. Do NBA players really do this? I mean, I do, but I need every advantage I can get.
7:20 – Rudy sneaks around for a nice steal, but can’t connect with Roy on the alley-oop attempt. I like it, just because it would have been so incredibly cool if it had worked.
6:25 – Matt Barnes comes in and hits back-to-back threes with Ike Diogu running full speed at him. He should try yelling “AAARGH!!” The Suns are suddenly up 10 and lighting up from behind the arc. Our second unit needs to step up and match the Suns’ intensity or else this lead is going to swell even more before halftime.
5:33 – Brandon cans a jumper from 19 feet. He’s quietly got 15 first half points. In the last week, he’s truly been asserting himself as the scorer we know he can be. I don’t know if it’s his confidence or struggling bench play or a pair of magic shoes he was given by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, but I like it.
4:39 – Angry Greg with a gigantic block on Barbosa, but then a dumb foul on Barnes when he drives to the hoop. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry…
3:08 – Blake hits a three, capping off his run of 10 straight Blazer points. He is so dangerous when he’s feeling it.
1:05 – Great ball movement around leads to a wide open Rudy three pointer. He’s been quiet, but if you’re like me you think that every time he shoots a three it’s going in.
0:06 – Brandon isolates and gets to the line again. He can seriously do this at will. He hits both and now has 21 for the quarter! Holy crap, why are the announcers not noticing this? It’s all about the Shaqtus, I suppose.
0:02 – Speaking of the Shaqtus, the Blazers play terrible transition D on the inbounds play and Shaq gets an easy lay up and the foul. Why even pressure the ball in this situation? Argh.
Halftime: 66-59 Suns lead.
- Charles Barkley refuses to acknowledge the Christmas music and theme of the show, saying only “Christmas is next week.” He’s got my vote for governor of Alabama, right there.
- The Blazers are getting beat in almost every statistical category, including field goal percentage, rebounds, assists, fast break points, three pointers, number of tattoos, and number of aging superstars. Category we aren’t losing in? Number of extinct creatures, beasts, and extraterrestrials. Frankly, we’re pretty lucky to be down only 7.
Third Quarter:
11:25 – There’s a battle brewing between LaMarcus and Amar’e. Stoudemire nails a long two and Aldridge answers with a back-to-the-basket baby hook. Score update: random capitalizations: 1, random apostrophes: 1.
9:55 – There’s those active hands of LMA again, which leads to a sweet hook deep in the post.
8:10 – Blake hits another three, he’s got 17 for the game! He’s out-Nashing Nash right now, and I love it.
6:50 – Jason Richardson hits another three pointer, putting the Suns up by 9. We are right in this, but with the game at this speed it takes only a few bad breaks to blow this game open. We’re treading water right now.
Sidenote: I’m usually not one to pick on officials, but this game has been very poorly officiated thus far. Oden just got called for a supposed “push” on Shaq. This must be similar to the “boost” that Sarah Palin gave the McCain campaign. Boos rain down on the court: Blazer fans rock.
5:03 – Roy drains a three to keep us alive, 85-77. Still, the announcers fail to take note of the fact that he has 28 points. Through two and a half quarters. Keep ‘em coming.
3:29 – Roy scores on a driving lay up, and the foul on Nash. The man just scored 15 straight Blazer points. He now has 36 points. Hey Nash, TELL ME HOW MY ASS TASTES!
2:23 – Travis drives to the hoop and flips it in beautifully with the right hand. I get a big smile on my face every time he takes it to the hoop. Travis: You are freakishly athletic. Your body was meant to drive to the cup. DO IT MORE.
Sidenote: The Hyundai commercial voice-over says “Ah, if only the holidays could last a little longer.” Yeah, then we could listen to holiday music longer, have to deal with holiday commercials longer, and waste that much more time and money on gifts that we don’t know if people want! Great!
0:00 – Great energy from Trout off the bench. He hit three jumpers and he just tipped in a score off a (rare) Brandon miss at the buzzer.
Fourth Quarter:
Disclaimer: I was trying and struggling to take notes in the second half, but by the fourth quarter I mostly ended up either jumping around like an idiot in celebration or punching my couch in frustration so hard I got rug burn on my hand. My apologies in advance.
11:30 – The Rose Garden crowd just registered for its zebra hunting license. Rudy just intentionally fouled Amar’e in the key, after which he took two steps and laid the ball in. The refs called continuation, giving Stoudemire the bucket and the foul. Ridiculous.
10:05 – Blake gets a steal and kicks it up court to Roy, who gets fouled going to the hole. Two free throws later he’s got 40 points, a new career-high, and MVP chants raining down from the stands.
7:30 – Barnes hits a three to tie it at 106. We are witnessing an incredibly competitive game, folks.
5:18 – Oh. My. God. Brandon rocks Barnes to sleep at the top of the arc and buries a three in his eye. Matt Barnes shakes hands with Roy, takes off his jersey, unlaces his shoes, and walks into the locker room.
OK, not really, but he might as well have. 43 points for Brandon.
4:42 – Roy misses, but BIG GREG IS THERE! The offensive rebound is swung out, comes to Travis who takes it to the hole for the chance for a three point play. We are simply out-hustling the Suns right now.
3:32 – 45 points. Gadzooks!
3:12 – 47 points.
2:57 – Barnes hits a huge three to put the Suns back on top by 1. I have an idea: let’s not leave him wide open in the corner. Got a job for me, KP?
1:00 – 50 points.
0:09 – FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
0:05 – Reggie Miller tells us “If you can get a turnover, you can get the ball back.” I don’t know about that, but he used to play so I will trust him.
0:00 – FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
Post-Game Observations:
- Brandon Roy was simply unstoppable tonight. The Suns tried Barnes, Richardson, Barbosa, it didn’t matter. I’ve been watching the Blazers for pretty much my entire life. I have never seen an individual performance like the one we witnessed in this game. I am in awe. I always knew Brandon was going to be a great player in this league, but I didn’t realize until tonight what he is truly capable of. Woweee, wow, wow, wow.
- Brandon’s game aside, a few key Trail Blazers had huge games which made all the difference for us tonight: Greg Oden (in limited minutes) had two game-changing offensive rebounds in the fourth quarter. Travis Outlaw also had some key rebounds, but more importantly had 14 points, 12 of them in a 5 minutes span. Aldridge played gutsy defense and made some big buckets, none more important than an 18-foot bank shot with the shot clock running out late in the 4th. Steve Blake had 22 points and 10 assists on 8-15 shooting. You guys rock.
- FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
- Small issue: We need to work on our inbounds plays late in games. This is the second time recently when, late in the game, we failed to get the ball inbounds and had to call a timeout. It worked out this time, but against the Magic, not so much.
- FIFTY. TWO. POINTS.
12.12.2008
Running Diary - Blazers at Jazz
Alright! It’s 7:30, time to kick back, crack a brew, and turn on the game…hmm. I see that the Celtics-Wizards nail biter is still on, 104-77. I guess I’ll go amuse myself for a few minutes.
Ok, here we go baby, it’s 7:40, GAMETIME! Oh, good, it’s Celtics-Wizards! How very exciting. The Celtics have narrowly increased the margin, it’s 113-84. This could go down to the wire. I’ll check back in a few.
It MUST be gametime now, it’s 7:50. Oh boy! I get to watch the last minute of the Celtics-Wizards game!!! What an exciting finish, this is so much better than watching the beginning of a game between two good teams. I hope they do post-game analysis.
First Quarter:
9:00 – Interesting, it appears that NBA games now start with only nine minutes on the clock in the first quarter. Also, both teams are automatically awarded 4 points at the start of the game (just to make it fair). TNT: Where FAIL happens.
7:45 – LaMarcus scores twice easily, once on a running hook through the lane and again on a long jumper. Good ball movement to start.
6:10 – Terrible interior defense by Portland leads to a nice dish inside by Deron Williams and an easy Brewer slam.
6:00 – TNT has a good system where, by having no introduction and missing the beginning of the game, Doug Collins can watch the first part and attempt to make himself sound intelligent. Unfortunately for him, one of his Keys to the Game is “metronome,” so he blew that one already.
-I’m a little worried about Deron Williams. He hasn’t been himself lately coming off of his ankle injury, but he always seems to light it up against us. He already has four quick assists.
5:31 – Another Aldridge jumper off a Steve Blake assist. How about LaMarcus in the first quarter? What is he, the 5-hour Energy designated driver? He’s got ten first-quarter points but the Blazers trail, 14-16.
3:50 – We are simply getting embarrassed on the inside. This time it’s CJ Miles throwing it down off a Williams assist. God I hate the Jazz.
-Apparently Craig Sager just talked to the “Mormon Tabernacle Choir” about metronomes. I can’t imagine a more exciting conversation. Isn’t that the group that does “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor”? I love that song.
1:58 – Roy drains a three. He’s shaken off the effects of that tough loss well. What a champ.
1:20 – More new and improved Travis Outlaw! He elevated and looked poised to take another difficult shot, but thought better of it and passed, leading to an open Rudy three pointer. I am so proud.
Second Quarter:
11:12 – Kyle Korver hits a jumper. The announcers call him “the former Missouri Valley Conference player of the year.” Isn’t that kind of like being the used Kia dealership salesman of the month? I…I guess that’s…good.
10:36 – Channing Frye fouls Harpring hard on a fast break, and the refs call a flagrant foul. Really, a flagrant foul? Even a JAZZ fan wouldn’t call that a flagrant foul. Actually, they would. Did I mention I hate the Jazz?
9:33 – A 16-footer by Brevin Knight makes it 37-27 Jazz. The Blazers have yet to score this quarter.
8:45 – Sergio drives and drops in a floater. You know it’s bad when Sergio Bending Rodriguez is the only player getting into the paint. Give that man a beer and a cigar.
7:04 – Doug Collins calls Przybilla the best backup center in the league. As a wise man once said: “Even the blind squirrel finds a nut.”
6:58 – Sergio for three! It’s a 9-0 Portland run and we’re right back in it. He is now officially my third favorite Spaniard behind Rudy and Manuel Jalón Corominas, inventor of the mop (go ahead, look it up).
5:43 – Mehmet Okur spins on Aldridge and dunks. I mean, that was a good move, but you know you’re from Utah when your team’s most exciting play is an Okur “slam dunk.” It’s the basketball equivalent of the Family Circus cartoon “It’s Apparent You’re a Parent if…” They LOVE them some Family Circus in Salt Lake City.
Sidenote: This led to the following conversation between Mike and me:
Mike: “Oh man! Jeffrey mispronounced spaghetti!!! Hahaha! PUHSKETTY!”
Me: “Look at the HILARIOUS route Billy took to get home from school!”
Mike: “That’s not the shortest way! BILLY!”
Me: “Why did he climb that tree? How unnecessary and inconvenient!”
Mike: “Kids.”
4:10 – Okur hits a wide open three off a high pick, then AK47 scores way too easily on a drive to make it 50-40. I consider driving my pen into my temple, but think better of it and reach for another beer. Could be a long night.
3:25 – Roy stuffs Deron Williams, leading to a nice Sergio lay up on the other end. Watch out, Manuel!
2:27 – Another easy dunk off the feed to an open Millsap under the basket. Paul Millsap. Funny, even Utah’s black players sound white.
1:57 - Gadzooks! Okur connects on yet ANOTHER open three, giving the Jazz a nine point lead. He has 21 first half points. It’s not fair; they have the spirit of Joseph Smith on their team. How do we compete with that? I know! Let’s wander into the desert and return with a golden book written by God about how to play transition defense!
Halftime:
-The Blazers played an extremely poor first half. We had no post presence on either end of the floor and shot just 4 of 15 from behind the arc. I fear Chuck’s wrath.
-He was surprisingly non-abrasive about how poorly the Blazers played. He did, however, mention that, for the Jazz, “injuries are the great unequalizer.” Too many potential jokes…brain overloading…
-Still, considering how poorly we’ve played, it won’t take more than a little defense, a few shots falling, and some strong rebounding to get Portland right back in the game. It’s Pryz time.
Third Quarter:
11:25 – Oden makes a nice strong move toward the hoop, making the baby hook and drawing the foul. I would be happier about this if his missed free throw didn’t result in an easy Jazz lay up in transition.
10:06 – Oden is fighting for the ball in the trenches. I love that pissed-off look on his face. I will call him Angry Greg. Can we keep him mom? Can we?
Sidenote: There’s been a lot of grumblings lately about Oden’s sullen mood and disappearance from the public eye. Some media members have noted Greg’s lack of fun as having a negative effect on the Blazers’ locker room. Maybe so, I don’t know, I don’t have that kind access to really see for sure. However, I was thinking that, if Oden’s emotions have such an impact on the Blazers, shouldn’t the opposite also be true?
I have no illusions; the kid has a long way to go. But when he gets his offensive game going and starts dunking on people’s heads, will his emotions swing to the other extreme? We want the joking, hand-slapping, barking Oden that we saw in the 2007 NCAA championship game. And I firmly believe we will see that. Hopefully it’s sooner rather than later.
8:00 – Two easy Ronnie Brewer lay ups. The screen shows us that the Jazz lead the fast break points battle 22-4. God. Deron Williams looks like his old self again. And by old, I mean balding. What is he, like 24? I smell a huge Rogaine advertising contract. How fitting. I hate the Jazz.
6:40 – Following a CJ Miles three, Roy drives, misses, and tips in his miss. Does he have to take over again? The difference between the last few games and the rest of the season is that Aldridge and Roy are forced to carry a much larger portion of the scoring. When nothing else is working, we go through our two best players. However, we don’t seem to WIN.
Sidenote: It’s official, Jerry Sloan is an Ent. Also he has the most wins of any coach with a single franchise by a huge margin. What’s that? No championships? As Treebeard says, “Brrharroom. There have been no Entings for a terrible long count of years.”
4:40 –
Roy hits a long two to make it 70-59. He has scored our last eight points. Where did Aldridge go? What happened to feeding him against Okur? Argh.
2:51 – Brandon is back at the line. He is really taking over. In other news, Kirilenko is in. Is it just me or does he perpetually look like he just ate a blue Blow Pop?
1:22 – Wild circus shot by Roy. After getting his shot blocked from behind, he grabs the ball out of the air and tosses a left-handed shot up without hitting the ground. If we were playing 21, the Jazz would be back to zero.
0:05 – Guess who? Roy at the line again. He hits them both and now has Portland’s last 15 points. As great as he is, that is not a good sign. 78-66, Jazz lead.
Fourth Quarter:
11:10 – Two quick Portland turnovers to start the quarter. I was about to say that, as poorly as we’ve played, our defense has shored up and this is still a very winnable game, but not if we just hand them the ball.
10:17 – A TERRIBLE call by the refs when Rudy gets run into by Harpring and picks up a foul. Joseph Smith smiles down upon EnergySolutions Arena and I curse his name.
8:30 – Aldridge nails a jumper, his first points since the first quarter. The question is: Why?
7:15 – He scores again, gets his hands up on D, then gets it back and scores AGAIN. Recently he has become the most consistently active defensive player we have. I love it, especially considering his slow start to the season.
6:41 – Roy buries a three to make it 88-77 Jazz, but we need to make a run now or else this one is in the books.
-This commercial where Lebron’s friend gets his car broken into really irks me. Not only does LBJ openly discuss leaving his hometown team in 2010, but he dances while his friend calls his insurance agent after his car is broken into. Remind me why they want him in New Yo…actually that would fit perfectly in New York. Never mind.
4:50 – Steve Blake misses a three that would have cut the Jazz lead to 6. Our shots just aren’t falling. This one could be over, folks.
3:00 – With a few minutes left and the Jazz up by ten, Utah fans begin filing out of the stadium. This is awful and would never happen at the Rose Garden, where we cheer and cherish every single victory. In their defense, they have to get to bed so they can rise bright and early and catch the newest Family Circus.
1:45 – Bright spot: A nice offensive rebound and score by Angry Greg. I love seeing flashes of what this guy will be able to do.
0:52 – Rudy misses a clutch free throw. Story of the game.
0:12 – Deron Williams rebounds and dribbles out the clock. I feel like destroying something beautiful. Williams’ arm tattoo is far from beautiful, but it will do.
Final Score:
Blazers 88
Jazz 97
Postgame Thoughts:
-No transition defense + no post defense = way too many easy buckets. We killed ourselves in this regard. The fact that it was even competitive late in the game is a testament to Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge.
-Our shots just weren’t falling. There were multiple instances, in the third quarter in particular, when Rudy was taking open threes and they just weren’t going down. If they had, it would have opened up many more offensive opportunities as the Jazz would be forced to pressure or double.
-Channing Frye had 2 points, a rebound, an assist, and a flagrant foul in 6 minutes. It was one of his better nights in recent memory.
Well that’s it for this edition of the Kobestoppers’ game diary. How frustrating. The good news is, the Blazers go back home to face the lowly Clippers. If we don’t win this game I will be VERY concerned, but we will. After that we have a welcome three days off. Hopefully we can get rested and fired up for eight of the next nine games at home.
Oh, also, I hate the Jazz.
Ok, here we go baby, it’s 7:40, GAMETIME! Oh, good, it’s Celtics-Wizards! How very exciting. The Celtics have narrowly increased the margin, it’s 113-84. This could go down to the wire. I’ll check back in a few.
It MUST be gametime now, it’s 7:50. Oh boy! I get to watch the last minute of the Celtics-Wizards game!!! What an exciting finish, this is so much better than watching the beginning of a game between two good teams. I hope they do post-game analysis.
First Quarter:
9:00 – Interesting, it appears that NBA games now start with only nine minutes on the clock in the first quarter. Also, both teams are automatically awarded 4 points at the start of the game (just to make it fair). TNT: Where FAIL happens.
7:45 – LaMarcus scores twice easily, once on a running hook through the lane and again on a long jumper. Good ball movement to start.
6:10 – Terrible interior defense by Portland leads to a nice dish inside by Deron Williams and an easy Brewer slam.
6:00 – TNT has a good system where, by having no introduction and missing the beginning of the game, Doug Collins can watch the first part and attempt to make himself sound intelligent. Unfortunately for him, one of his Keys to the Game is “metronome,” so he blew that one already.
-I’m a little worried about Deron Williams. He hasn’t been himself lately coming off of his ankle injury, but he always seems to light it up against us. He already has four quick assists.
5:31 – Another Aldridge jumper off a Steve Blake assist. How about LaMarcus in the first quarter? What is he, the 5-hour Energy designated driver? He’s got ten first-quarter points but the Blazers trail, 14-16.
3:50 – We are simply getting embarrassed on the inside. This time it’s CJ Miles throwing it down off a Williams assist. God I hate the Jazz.
-Apparently Craig Sager just talked to the “Mormon Tabernacle Choir” about metronomes. I can’t imagine a more exciting conversation. Isn’t that the group that does “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor”? I love that song.
1:58 – Roy drains a three. He’s shaken off the effects of that tough loss well. What a champ.
1:20 – More new and improved Travis Outlaw! He elevated and looked poised to take another difficult shot, but thought better of it and passed, leading to an open Rudy three pointer. I am so proud.
Second Quarter:
11:12 – Kyle Korver hits a jumper. The announcers call him “the former Missouri Valley Conference player of the year.” Isn’t that kind of like being the used Kia dealership salesman of the month? I…I guess that’s…good.10:36 – Channing Frye fouls Harpring hard on a fast break, and the refs call a flagrant foul. Really, a flagrant foul? Even a JAZZ fan wouldn’t call that a flagrant foul. Actually, they would. Did I mention I hate the Jazz?
9:33 – A 16-footer by Brevin Knight makes it 37-27 Jazz. The Blazers have yet to score this quarter.
8:45 – Sergio drives and drops in a floater. You know it’s bad when Sergio Bending Rodriguez is the only player getting into the paint. Give that man a beer and a cigar.
7:04 – Doug Collins calls Przybilla the best backup center in the league. As a wise man once said: “Even the blind squirrel finds a nut.”
6:58 – Sergio for three! It’s a 9-0 Portland run and we’re right back in it. He is now officially my third favorite Spaniard behind Rudy and Manuel Jalón Corominas, inventor of the mop (go ahead, look it up).
5:43 – Mehmet Okur spins on Aldridge and dunks. I mean, that was a good move, but you know you’re from Utah when your team’s most exciting play is an Okur “slam dunk.” It’s the basketball equivalent of the Family Circus cartoon “It’s Apparent You’re a Parent if…” They LOVE them some Family Circus in Salt Lake City.
Sidenote: This led to the following conversation between Mike and me:
Mike: “Oh man! Jeffrey mispronounced spaghetti!!! Hahaha! PUHSKETTY!”
Me: “Look at the HILARIOUS route Billy took to get home from school!”
Mike: “That’s not the shortest way! BILLY!”
Me: “Why did he climb that tree? How unnecessary and inconvenient!”
Mike: “Kids.”
4:10 – Okur hits a wide open three off a high pick, then AK47 scores way too easily on a drive to make it 50-40. I consider driving my pen into my temple, but think better of it and reach for another beer. Could be a long night.
3:25 – Roy stuffs Deron Williams, leading to a nice Sergio lay up on the other end. Watch out, Manuel!
2:27 – Another easy dunk off the feed to an open Millsap under the basket. Paul Millsap. Funny, even Utah’s black players sound white.
1:57 - Gadzooks! Okur connects on yet ANOTHER open three, giving the Jazz a nine point lead. He has 21 first half points. It’s not fair; they have the spirit of Joseph Smith on their team. How do we compete with that? I know! Let’s wander into the desert and return with a golden book written by God about how to play transition defense!
Halftime:
-The Blazers played an extremely poor first half. We had no post presence on either end of the floor and shot just 4 of 15 from behind the arc. I fear Chuck’s wrath.
-He was surprisingly non-abrasive about how poorly the Blazers played. He did, however, mention that, for the Jazz, “injuries are the great unequalizer.” Too many potential jokes…brain overloading…
-Still, considering how poorly we’ve played, it won’t take more than a little defense, a few shots falling, and some strong rebounding to get Portland right back in the game. It’s Pryz time.
Third Quarter:
11:25 – Oden makes a nice strong move toward the hoop, making the baby hook and drawing the foul. I would be happier about this if his missed free throw didn’t result in an easy Jazz lay up in transition.
10:06 – Oden is fighting for the ball in the trenches. I love that pissed-off look on his face. I will call him Angry Greg. Can we keep him mom? Can we?
Sidenote: There’s been a lot of grumblings lately about Oden’s sullen mood and disappearance from the public eye. Some media members have noted Greg’s lack of fun as having a negative effect on the Blazers’ locker room. Maybe so, I don’t know, I don’t have that kind access to really see for sure. However, I was thinking that, if Oden’s emotions have such an impact on the Blazers, shouldn’t the opposite also be true?
I have no illusions; the kid has a long way to go. But when he gets his offensive game going and starts dunking on people’s heads, will his emotions swing to the other extreme? We want the joking, hand-slapping, barking Oden that we saw in the 2007 NCAA championship game. And I firmly believe we will see that. Hopefully it’s sooner rather than later.
8:00 – Two easy Ronnie Brewer lay ups. The screen shows us that the Jazz lead the fast break points battle 22-4. God. Deron Williams looks like his old self again. And by old, I mean balding. What is he, like 24? I smell a huge Rogaine advertising contract. How fitting. I hate the Jazz.
6:40 – Following a CJ Miles three, Roy drives, misses, and tips in his miss. Does he have to take over again? The difference between the last few games and the rest of the season is that Aldridge and Roy are forced to carry a much larger portion of the scoring. When nothing else is working, we go through our two best players. However, we don’t seem to WIN.
Sidenote: It’s official, Jerry Sloan is an Ent. Also he has the most wins of any coach with a single franchise by a huge margin. What’s that? No championships? As Treebeard says, “Brrharroom. There have been no Entings for a terrible long count of years.”
4:40 –
Roy hits a long two to make it 70-59. He has scored our last eight points. Where did Aldridge go? What happened to feeding him against Okur? Argh.2:51 – Brandon is back at the line. He is really taking over. In other news, Kirilenko is in. Is it just me or does he perpetually look like he just ate a blue Blow Pop?
1:22 – Wild circus shot by Roy. After getting his shot blocked from behind, he grabs the ball out of the air and tosses a left-handed shot up without hitting the ground. If we were playing 21, the Jazz would be back to zero.
0:05 – Guess who? Roy at the line again. He hits them both and now has Portland’s last 15 points. As great as he is, that is not a good sign. 78-66, Jazz lead.
Fourth Quarter:
11:10 – Two quick Portland turnovers to start the quarter. I was about to say that, as poorly as we’ve played, our defense has shored up and this is still a very winnable game, but not if we just hand them the ball.
10:17 – A TERRIBLE call by the refs when Rudy gets run into by Harpring and picks up a foul. Joseph Smith smiles down upon EnergySolutions Arena and I curse his name.
8:30 – Aldridge nails a jumper, his first points since the first quarter. The question is: Why?
7:15 – He scores again, gets his hands up on D, then gets it back and scores AGAIN. Recently he has become the most consistently active defensive player we have. I love it, especially considering his slow start to the season.
6:41 – Roy buries a three to make it 88-77 Jazz, but we need to make a run now or else this one is in the books.
-This commercial where Lebron’s friend gets his car broken into really irks me. Not only does LBJ openly discuss leaving his hometown team in 2010, but he dances while his friend calls his insurance agent after his car is broken into. Remind me why they want him in New Yo…actually that would fit perfectly in New York. Never mind.
4:50 – Steve Blake misses a three that would have cut the Jazz lead to 6. Our shots just aren’t falling. This one could be over, folks.
3:00 – With a few minutes left and the Jazz up by ten, Utah fans begin filing out of the stadium. This is awful and would never happen at the Rose Garden, where we cheer and cherish every single victory. In their defense, they have to get to bed so they can rise bright and early and catch the newest Family Circus.
1:45 – Bright spot: A nice offensive rebound and score by Angry Greg. I love seeing flashes of what this guy will be able to do.
0:52 – Rudy misses a clutch free throw. Story of the game.
0:12 – Deron Williams rebounds and dribbles out the clock. I feel like destroying something beautiful. Williams’ arm tattoo is far from beautiful, but it will do.
Final Score:
Blazers 88
Jazz 97
Postgame Thoughts:
-No transition defense + no post defense = way too many easy buckets. We killed ourselves in this regard. The fact that it was even competitive late in the game is a testament to Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge.
-Our shots just weren’t falling. There were multiple instances, in the third quarter in particular, when Rudy was taking open threes and they just weren’t going down. If they had, it would have opened up many more offensive opportunities as the Jazz would be forced to pressure or double.
-Channing Frye had 2 points, a rebound, an assist, and a flagrant foul in 6 minutes. It was one of his better nights in recent memory.
Well that’s it for this edition of the Kobestoppers’ game diary. How frustrating. The good news is, the Blazers go back home to face the lowly Clippers. If we don’t win this game I will be VERY concerned, but we will. After that we have a welcome three days off. Hopefully we can get rested and fired up for eight of the next nine games at home.
Oh, also, I hate the Jazz.
12.10.2008
Running Diary - Magic vs. Blazers
Stardate 217…694…553: We’ve…finally returned…home after a…grueling five-game road…trip. Let’s…get fired…up and give the Magic…the ol’…Captain Kirk…double-fist.
Pre-game thoughts:
-We beat the Magic 106-99 back on November 10th for our first road win of the year. That was without Greg to body up on Dwight Howard. With that addition, this should be an easy win at home, right? Right? Good.
-The breaking news before the game is that Martell has a new foot injury in the same foot. Early estimates predict another 4-6 weeks before his return. This is worse than that time they gave me extra pickles at McDonald’s. A great man once said: “You can never erase the taste of a pickle.”
-Mike Rice tells us his Keys to the Game: blocks, three pointers, and Rose Garden fans. These also happen to be Rudy’s three favorite things. Interestingly, Mike Rice and Rudy are two of my favorite things.
I agree, but I would like to add transition defense to the list, please. Remember how many free points we gave Boston? Let’s not do that at home.
Set phasers to kill, let’s get started.
First Quarter:
11:42 – Oden fouls Dwight Howard on the first play of the game. I think I see their game plan.
10:00 – Howard scores again by just throwing it off the backboard and banking it in. Ugly, but effective. At the same time, if he’s making that shot, we are in deep trouble. 8-1, Magic lead.
9:30 – Greg reels in an offensive rebound off a miss by Roy, pump fakes and seems shocked that no one is trying to foul him or poke the ball away. Howard stands to the side as Oden throws down the two-hander.
9:00 – Mike Rice informs us that “this game will be won in the fourth quarter, not the first.” Interesting thesis, Mike, but I need hard evidence before I can be convinced.
6:45 – A couple of quick scores by LaMarcus are answered by a hook from Dwight Howard. If Superman can perfect that spin-away from the defender, off-the-glass jumper (ala Tim Duncan) he is going to be virtually unstoppable.
5:30 – One on one against Dwight Howard, Oden takes a huge swipe at his shot but Howard flips it in easily. Greg has some work to do to get to that level.
Sidenote: What IS encouraging, however, is the progression of Howard’s skills and statistics since his rookie year. Even coming off micro fracture surgery, Oden is putting up very similar stats per 48 minutes to Howard’s first season. Today, the fundamentals; tomorrow, the dunk contest!!! Right?
4:55 – It’s everyone’s favorite monster: Przybilla!!! Joel makes an instant impact on the game, pushing Howard away from the basket and forcing the type of long jumper we want him to take.
3:55 – As Sergio and Rudy sit at the scorers table, Aldridge gets his hands up and deflects a pass, resulting in a nice lay-up by Roy in transition. Man, when Aldridge is playing high-energy defense he can really have a big impact. Keep it up, big man!
2:06 – Pryz blocks Howard. Monster.
Trivia time: Which current Blazer’s favorite player is Scottie Pippen? Okay Mike and Mike, that is not a trivia question. How the hell could the average person know that based on their knowledge? It should be labeled something like “fun fact” or “random guess.”
0:00 – Crazy end to the quarter. Sergio and Rudy use their psychic link to hook up on a sweet alley-oop to cut the lead to two with seconds left. The crowd roars. Now if only they would use their psychic link to GET THE F BACK ON DEFENSE! Tony Battie hits a three, effectively killing Blazer momentum to end the quarter. 29-25, bad guys.
Sidenote: Speaking of the dunk contest, a little research found that the last Blazer to compete in the dunk contest was James Robinson in 1994. This is shocking and unacceptable. I nominate Jerryd Bayless to represent the Blazers if possible. The guy can get up.
Second Quarter:
10:49 – Rudy misses a long three and the crowd audibly shudders with dampened excitement. There’s a strange rumble in the Rose Garden tonight after that first quarter. Is it hushed anticipation or nervousness? Let’s get loud, people.
8:30 – Ghostface Pryz stuffs Courtney Lee, who loses his balance and drops hard to the floor. Luckily his body was shielded from the hard floor by his face. Roy gathers it and kicks to Rudy on the break, who sends it down low to Sergio, who one-touches it back to Roy for the open three. Wow.
8:00 – Aldridge gets his hands up on defense again, resulting in a steal and eventually a jumper by Sergio. How many Red Bulls did LaMarcus drink before the game? I hope they were sugar-free….
Mike Rice: “You can tell, the Blazers are starting to regain that lead.” Yeah, since we’ve never led and are still losing by 2. I’ll just trust him on this one.
6:20 – With good position inside, Przybilla gives Dwight Howard a little taste of his own medicine, laying it in over his outstretched arms. MVP! MVP!
I’m watching that Fred Meyer commercial where the kid gets an R2-D2 for Christmas. Now, normally I wouldn’t harm a fly, but I would kill a man to get that toy. The kid can have C-3P0.
3:20 – Turkoglu hits a turnaround over Rudy, then does it again a minute later. He is so tall and long to be that good of a shooter. It’s not fair.
2:45 – After Rudy misses a three, Aldridge flies in from behind the backboard and slams the rebound home. He is everywhere tonight.
0:26 – A Keith Bogans three pointer puts the Magic up 7, but the Blazers answer with an 8-0 run to take the lead, capped off two Blake jumpers.
0:00 – Turkoglu drives the lane WAY too easily, flips in the quick lay-up. Blakey misses on the other end to finish the half.
Halftime:
The Blazers go into the locker room trailing by 1, after being down by as many as 7 in the first half.
Good news:
-Dwight Howard has only 9 points, 2 rebounds. Superman, my ass. The real Superman would have at LEAST 4 rebounds. The announcers say that Howard has yet to score a field goal with Przybilla on the floor. Meanwhile, I’m beginning to think that the answer to the age-old question “Who betta?” is actually “Joel Przybilla.”
-LaMarcus Aldridge is an angry man tonight. Not only does he have 10 points, but his defense has been superb and he’s bringing big-time energy that we urgently need.
Bad news:
-Greg Oden: 3 fouls and 2 points in 8 minutes. I doubt Greg has much experience playing against opponents who are bigger, faster, and stronger than him. I hope he’s taking notes.
-Roy has 10 points but, as the Mikes point out, his free throw touch looks off. This could spell trouble at the end of a close game.
Random note: I flipped to the Mavs-Spurs game to check up on double overtime and caught Devean George on the screen. It struck me how incredibly ironic it is that George was right all along. Remember how George had the no-trade clause in his contract, which he used when the Mavericks tried to include him in the Jason Kidd-Devin Harris deal? He tried to warn you, Mark Cuban. And here I thought Devean George couldn’t even read. Shame on me.
Third Quarter:
11:40 – Brandon drains a long jumper. Why do I even bother worrying about this guy?
9:45 – Lewis, Turkoglu, and Nelson all hit unanswered threes. They’re now 7-11 from behind the arc. Howard is struggling, let’s close out on shooters for God’s sake.
- If you are actually intrigued enough by the new Burger King ad campaign to visit the website, make sure you spell "www.whoppervirgins.com" correctly. Just trust me on this one.
7:11 – Two Turkoglu free throws makes it 63-58, Magic. Now we’re REALLY starting to regain the lead.
6:20 – Sergio gets to the line. This may be the only place I feel comfortable with him shooting. 86% from the stripe? Sergio Bending Rodriguez, you dog!
We are now entering the Spanish Fly Zone. Here are the next 11 Blazer scores:
3:23: Aldridge dunk on Sergio assist.
2:43: Aldridge jumper on Rudy assist.
1:40: Sergio free throws.
1:07: Sergio free throws.
0:44: Rudy three pointer on Sergio assist.
0:26: Rudy free throws.
Fourth Quarter:
11:27: Sergio to Rudy alley-oop.
10:25: Sergio three pointer.
9:45: Pryz lay-up on Rudy assist (between Howard’s legs!).
9:04: Rudy technical free throw.
7:58: Aldridge dunk on Rudy assist (amazing behind-the-head pass).
In case you are counting, the Blazers scored 26 straight points as a result of our Spaniards. I just dropped una mierda en mis pantalones. Other things happened during this span, but they probably aren’t important.
-Time for the answer to tonight’s “Blind Stab,” brought to you by Kitchenette culinary knives. Nicolas Batum is the answer. In fact, I think Batum may actually BE Scottie Pippen after facial reconstruction surgery like in Face/Off. So why isn’t he averaging 16 points, 6 rebounds, and 5 assists, you may ask? Well…shut up.
6:06 – Fantastic ball movement results in a wide open 17-footer for LaMarcus. He will do that all. Day. Long. The Garden is rocking and with this momentum we can put them away with another nice run and smart ball control. Blazers lead, 97-89.
5:15 – Rashard Lewis drains a huge three. Every time I think we can put this game in the books the Magic make a big shot. This is going to be a tight finish.
4:20 – It’s Brandon Roy time, as he hits a nice jumper followed by a trip to the line on the next possession. Keep us afloat, Brandon.
1:57 – Jameer Nelson hits two more gigantic threes to cut the Blazer lead to 5, 108-103. Still, this game is ours if we take care of the ball and play smart.
0:53 – Two ill-advised three point shots later, Steve Blake can’t get the ball inbounds and has to use our last time out. Argh.
0:29 – Bogans misses a three and GETS HIS OWN REBOUND! How does that happen? Someone is defending the shot, just turn around and collect the ball! At least get a body on the shooter! Bogans kicks it to Lewis who drains the corner three. WHY!?!?
0:05 – They double Brandon the whole possession. The ball comes to him three separate times, but he is unable to free himself and eventually forces a turnaround three pointer which misses everything and results in a shot clock violation. What happened? Rudy has been on fire, Aldridge has been on fire, and someone has to be open! We’ve suddenly forgotten how to do everything we’ve been doing perfectly for the last quarter and a half. Still, the Blazers are up 2 with five seconds to go. We’ve been here before, we know how to close out games…
0:00 - …
Postgame Thoughts:
I am…stunned. Eff you, Turkoglu. Eff you right in the A.
A bank shot? Really? Straight on off the glass? Well, I don’t know what else to say other than that we gave this one away. Up 8 points with 2 minutes to play, this game was ours to lose, and we did. Silly mistakes, turnovers, and poor rebounding cost us our first home loss.
-On the bright side, Roy finished with 30/9/5, Aldridge with 25/13 and 2 blocks, and Sergio had 14 points, 7 assists, and no turnovers. Good God, how do we lose with those numbers?
-Channing Frye: 4 minutes, 2 fouls, 1 turnover. FAIL.
I’ve nothing else to add, except we can all take slight solace in the LA Kobe’s 113-101 loss to the lowly Sacramento Kings. Suck it, Mamba.
Are those mountains blue yet?
Pre-game thoughts:
-We beat the Magic 106-99 back on November 10th for our first road win of the year. That was without Greg to body up on Dwight Howard. With that addition, this should be an easy win at home, right? Right? Good.
-The breaking news before the game is that Martell has a new foot injury in the same foot. Early estimates predict another 4-6 weeks before his return. This is worse than that time they gave me extra pickles at McDonald’s. A great man once said: “You can never erase the taste of a pickle.”
-Mike Rice tells us his Keys to the Game: blocks, three pointers, and Rose Garden fans. These also happen to be Rudy’s three favorite things. Interestingly, Mike Rice and Rudy are two of my favorite things.
I agree, but I would like to add transition defense to the list, please. Remember how many free points we gave Boston? Let’s not do that at home.
Set phasers to kill, let’s get started.
First Quarter:
11:42 – Oden fouls Dwight Howard on the first play of the game. I think I see their game plan.
10:00 – Howard scores again by just throwing it off the backboard and banking it in. Ugly, but effective. At the same time, if he’s making that shot, we are in deep trouble. 8-1, Magic lead.
9:30 – Greg reels in an offensive rebound off a miss by Roy, pump fakes and seems shocked that no one is trying to foul him or poke the ball away. Howard stands to the side as Oden throws down the two-hander.
9:00 – Mike Rice informs us that “this game will be won in the fourth quarter, not the first.” Interesting thesis, Mike, but I need hard evidence before I can be convinced.
6:45 – A couple of quick scores by LaMarcus are answered by a hook from Dwight Howard. If Superman can perfect that spin-away from the defender, off-the-glass jumper (ala Tim Duncan) he is going to be virtually unstoppable.
5:30 – One on one against Dwight Howard, Oden takes a huge swipe at his shot but Howard flips it in easily. Greg has some work to do to get to that level.
Sidenote: What IS encouraging, however, is the progression of Howard’s skills and statistics since his rookie year. Even coming off micro fracture surgery, Oden is putting up very similar stats per 48 minutes to Howard’s first season. Today, the fundamentals; tomorrow, the dunk contest!!! Right?
4:55 – It’s everyone’s favorite monster: Przybilla!!! Joel makes an instant impact on the game, pushing Howard away from the basket and forcing the type of long jumper we want him to take.
3:55 – As Sergio and Rudy sit at the scorers table, Aldridge gets his hands up and deflects a pass, resulting in a nice lay-up by Roy in transition. Man, when Aldridge is playing high-energy defense he can really have a big impact. Keep it up, big man!
2:06 – Pryz blocks Howard. Monster.
Trivia time: Which current Blazer’s favorite player is Scottie Pippen? Okay Mike and Mike, that is not a trivia question. How the hell could the average person know that based on their knowledge? It should be labeled something like “fun fact” or “random guess.”
0:00 – Crazy end to the quarter. Sergio and Rudy use their psychic link to hook up on a sweet alley-oop to cut the lead to two with seconds left. The crowd roars. Now if only they would use their psychic link to GET THE F BACK ON DEFENSE! Tony Battie hits a three, effectively killing Blazer momentum to end the quarter. 29-25, bad guys.
Sidenote: Speaking of the dunk contest, a little research found that the last Blazer to compete in the dunk contest was James Robinson in 1994. This is shocking and unacceptable. I nominate Jerryd Bayless to represent the Blazers if possible. The guy can get up.
Second Quarter:
10:49 – Rudy misses a long three and the crowd audibly shudders with dampened excitement. There’s a strange rumble in the Rose Garden tonight after that first quarter. Is it hushed anticipation or nervousness? Let’s get loud, people.
8:30 – Ghostface Pryz stuffs Courtney Lee, who loses his balance and drops hard to the floor. Luckily his body was shielded from the hard floor by his face. Roy gathers it and kicks to Rudy on the break, who sends it down low to Sergio, who one-touches it back to Roy for the open three. Wow.
8:00 – Aldridge gets his hands up on defense again, resulting in a steal and eventually a jumper by Sergio. How many Red Bulls did LaMarcus drink before the game? I hope they were sugar-free….
Mike Rice: “You can tell, the Blazers are starting to regain that lead.” Yeah, since we’ve never led and are still losing by 2. I’ll just trust him on this one.
6:20 – With good position inside, Przybilla gives Dwight Howard a little taste of his own medicine, laying it in over his outstretched arms. MVP! MVP!
I’m watching that Fred Meyer commercial where the kid gets an R2-D2 for Christmas. Now, normally I wouldn’t harm a fly, but I would kill a man to get that toy. The kid can have C-3P0.
3:20 – Turkoglu hits a turnaround over Rudy, then does it again a minute later. He is so tall and long to be that good of a shooter. It’s not fair.
2:45 – After Rudy misses a three, Aldridge flies in from behind the backboard and slams the rebound home. He is everywhere tonight.
0:26 – A Keith Bogans three pointer puts the Magic up 7, but the Blazers answer with an 8-0 run to take the lead, capped off two Blake jumpers.
0:00 – Turkoglu drives the lane WAY too easily, flips in the quick lay-up. Blakey misses on the other end to finish the half.
Halftime:
The Blazers go into the locker room trailing by 1, after being down by as many as 7 in the first half.
Good news:
-Dwight Howard has only 9 points, 2 rebounds. Superman, my ass. The real Superman would have at LEAST 4 rebounds. The announcers say that Howard has yet to score a field goal with Przybilla on the floor. Meanwhile, I’m beginning to think that the answer to the age-old question “Who betta?” is actually “Joel Przybilla.”
-LaMarcus Aldridge is an angry man tonight. Not only does he have 10 points, but his defense has been superb and he’s bringing big-time energy that we urgently need.
Bad news:
-Greg Oden: 3 fouls and 2 points in 8 minutes. I doubt Greg has much experience playing against opponents who are bigger, faster, and stronger than him. I hope he’s taking notes.
-Roy has 10 points but, as the Mikes point out, his free throw touch looks off. This could spell trouble at the end of a close game.
Random note: I flipped to the Mavs-Spurs game to check up on double overtime and caught Devean George on the screen. It struck me how incredibly ironic it is that George was right all along. Remember how George had the no-trade clause in his contract, which he used when the Mavericks tried to include him in the Jason Kidd-Devin Harris deal? He tried to warn you, Mark Cuban. And here I thought Devean George couldn’t even read. Shame on me.
Third Quarter:
11:40 – Brandon drains a long jumper. Why do I even bother worrying about this guy?
9:45 – Lewis, Turkoglu, and Nelson all hit unanswered threes. They’re now 7-11 from behind the arc. Howard is struggling, let’s close out on shooters for God’s sake.
- If you are actually intrigued enough by the new Burger King ad campaign to visit the website, make sure you spell "www.whoppervirgins.com" correctly. Just trust me on this one.
7:11 – Two Turkoglu free throws makes it 63-58, Magic. Now we’re REALLY starting to regain the lead.
6:20 – Sergio gets to the line. This may be the only place I feel comfortable with him shooting. 86% from the stripe? Sergio Bending Rodriguez, you dog!
We are now entering the Spanish Fly Zone. Here are the next 11 Blazer scores:
3:23: Aldridge dunk on Sergio assist.
2:43: Aldridge jumper on Rudy assist.
1:40: Sergio free throws.
1:07: Sergio free throws.
0:44: Rudy three pointer on Sergio assist.
0:26: Rudy free throws.
Fourth Quarter:
11:27: Sergio to Rudy alley-oop.
10:25: Sergio three pointer.
9:45: Pryz lay-up on Rudy assist (between Howard’s legs!).
9:04: Rudy technical free throw.
7:58: Aldridge dunk on Rudy assist (amazing behind-the-head pass).
In case you are counting, the Blazers scored 26 straight points as a result of our Spaniards. I just dropped una mierda en mis pantalones. Other things happened during this span, but they probably aren’t important.
-Time for the answer to tonight’s “Blind Stab,” brought to you by Kitchenette culinary knives. Nicolas Batum is the answer. In fact, I think Batum may actually BE Scottie Pippen after facial reconstruction surgery like in Face/Off. So why isn’t he averaging 16 points, 6 rebounds, and 5 assists, you may ask? Well…shut up.
6:06 – Fantastic ball movement results in a wide open 17-footer for LaMarcus. He will do that all. Day. Long. The Garden is rocking and with this momentum we can put them away with another nice run and smart ball control. Blazers lead, 97-89.
5:15 – Rashard Lewis drains a huge three. Every time I think we can put this game in the books the Magic make a big shot. This is going to be a tight finish.
4:20 – It’s Brandon Roy time, as he hits a nice jumper followed by a trip to the line on the next possession. Keep us afloat, Brandon.
1:57 – Jameer Nelson hits two more gigantic threes to cut the Blazer lead to 5, 108-103. Still, this game is ours if we take care of the ball and play smart.
0:53 – Two ill-advised three point shots later, Steve Blake can’t get the ball inbounds and has to use our last time out. Argh.
0:29 – Bogans misses a three and GETS HIS OWN REBOUND! How does that happen? Someone is defending the shot, just turn around and collect the ball! At least get a body on the shooter! Bogans kicks it to Lewis who drains the corner three. WHY!?!?
0:05 – They double Brandon the whole possession. The ball comes to him three separate times, but he is unable to free himself and eventually forces a turnaround three pointer which misses everything and results in a shot clock violation. What happened? Rudy has been on fire, Aldridge has been on fire, and someone has to be open! We’ve suddenly forgotten how to do everything we’ve been doing perfectly for the last quarter and a half. Still, the Blazers are up 2 with five seconds to go. We’ve been here before, we know how to close out games…
0:00 - …
Postgame Thoughts:
I am…stunned. Eff you, Turkoglu. Eff you right in the A.
A bank shot? Really? Straight on off the glass? Well, I don’t know what else to say other than that we gave this one away. Up 8 points with 2 minutes to play, this game was ours to lose, and we did. Silly mistakes, turnovers, and poor rebounding cost us our first home loss.
-On the bright side, Roy finished with 30/9/5, Aldridge with 25/13 and 2 blocks, and Sergio had 14 points, 7 assists, and no turnovers. Good God, how do we lose with those numbers?
-Channing Frye: 4 minutes, 2 fouls, 1 turnover. FAIL.
I’ve nothing else to add, except we can all take slight solace in the LA Kobe’s 113-101 loss to the lowly Sacramento Kings. Suck it, Mamba.
Are those mountains blue yet?
12.04.2008
Running Diary - Blazers at Wizards
Back again, folks, for another meticulously-crafted version of the Kobestoppers’ game diary from our Sports Central Headquarters in the heart of the Rose Garden. What? It’s just me on my couch with a Coors Light in one hand and a pen in the other? Well, I will say this: at least I can tell my beer is cold by looking at it.
I’d like to preface with the fact that, unlike Mike, I live deep in the heart of enemy territory: Los Angeles. This has slowly blackened my heart, wrenched my insides, and generally disrupted my bowel movements. As a result, I watch Blazer games through NBA League Pass. This means that half the time I get the Comcast Blazers broadcast and the other half I get the local opponents’ broadcast. God (who is also the president of TV) flipped a coin this morning and it landed on [Joe is going to go crazy listening to Steve Buckhantz and Phil Chenier attempt to formulate complete sentences with the small, turd-like organs that reside in their] heads. Great.
It’s the Wizards vs. El Mago and the Blazers! For those of you who don’t “habla español,” El Mago is SPANISH for…the Mago!!!
Game on.
First Quarter:
11:20 – Brandon hits first. The man is just solid. If this game had started immediately following the last one, you wouldn’t be able to tell by the way he’s playing. Incredible.
9:20 – Jamison caps off a personal 7-2 run with a three from the left side. It seems he’s played this game before. 9-6, Wizards.
8:00 – Strange sequence here: Neither team can hold on to the ball, and players on both sides are falling down, passing to the other team, and generally being inept. I swear that’s four turnovers in a row.
7:50 – Make that five. Mike Rice must’ve personally mixed up the Gatorade tonight.
6:09 – Someone needs to tell Andray Blatche that he’s sporting a HUGE boogey.
2:27 – Travis comes in off the bench and immediately rattles home a long two. Is it just me, or does Outlaw “rattle in” more jumpers than any other player? I wonder if he knows that it doesn’t have to hit the rim to count…
2.8 seconds – Travis pokes away the inbounds pass out of bounds. Initially it appears that the refs may just call the quarter over as the buzzer sounded, but soon incompetence takes over and the officiating crew spends the next five minutes deciding how many tenths of a second to add to the clock. This turns out to be very important as the Wizards inbound to Nick Young in the backcourt and he drops the ball on the ground and walks to the bench.
End of the first quarter – Well, considering we turned the ball over seven times in the quarter, shot almost entirely jump shots, were blocked multiple times, and put up only 19 points, it’s not all bad. At least I’m not that guy who yells “GET IN THE HOLE!” every time Tiger swings a golf club. That’s actually Mike.
Second Quarter:
10:30 - Travis makes a three, and Rudy follows with a long two to open the second quarter. These guys are complementing each other almost unexpectedly well. Can we create a sitcom about the skinny foreigner and his wildly energetic alien pal? Oops, that’s the plot of the movie Lilo & Stitch. Never mind.
9:36 – Przybilla with a surprisingly agile flip-in off the high pick-and-roll with Rudy. Let me refer you here. 31-26 Wiz, though. I fear Nick Young. If he gets going, he can really light it up.
8:45 – Announcer Steve Buckhantz informs us of “a foul called, after the reach-around from Fernandez.” Hooray!
6:45 – After the Blazers cut it to 37-34, Przybilla gets fouled hard by Jamison and Darius Songalia. Sounds like some kind of foot fungus to me, as in “I haven’t washed my socks in a week and I’ve got some nasty Songalia developing between my toes.”
4:30 – Greg throws it down HARD for the second time so far. Somewhere on the other side of the country, Colin Cowherd stubs his toe.
3:52 – Other announcer-guy Phil Chenier tells us it was “all made possible by the penetration of Sergio Rodriguez.” Story of my life.
2:20 – Blazers timeout. Our defense has shored up nicely in the second period, emphasized by Oden’s defiant rejection of Nick Young’s floater. 45-41, Portland.
50 seconds – Butler hits a long two-pointer, but that’s his first score of the game. Cosas buenas.
Halftime:
The Blazers couldn’t score before the half but manage to finish the quarter up two, 45-43. Thanks to a more efficient second quarter and the bench (Rudy and Travis in particular) filling the scoreboard, momentum has really shifted. If we keep this up we’ll be in great shape.
I miss Eddie Jordan. I’m glad he’s not MY coach, but he has always amused me. It looks like he sharpens his teeth. Doesn’t it look like he sharpens his teeth? If I could ask him one question, that would be it.
The halftime report tells us that the LA Kobe went on a 23-6 run to end the half. Who betta?
Third Quarter:
11:30 – Gadzooks! Przybilla is not on the bench? He’s been missing since midway through the second quarter and this is my last diaper.
11:14 – Batum, with great defensive pressure on Caron Butler, forces a travel. He’s like human Velcro. Human Velcro with astoundingly long arms and debonair French charms. I like to make rhyming.
10:45 – After starting cold from outside, Blake nails a long three. I’ll bet you a beer Mike Rice just called him “Blakey.” Cheers to that, brother.
8:01 – Roy scores with his left. Then, when the announcers comment on his preference for the left side, he finishes with his right. It’s like chewy versus regular Gobstoppers. When it comes down to it, it really doesn’t matter.
7:01 – Butler gets to the line for the Wizards for the first time tonight, makes them both, and Jamison follows with a jumper. We seem to be settling down into a longer shot selection again. That and the mountains on my beer are no longer blue.
3:50 – The Blazers have committed only four turnovers since they had seven in the first quarter. That is good. Yet, they are only up by one. I have decided that is bad.
Random game thoughts:
-I’m trying to decide which of the Blazers would be the most terrifying if they were one of the Monstars from Space Jam. Greg’s face is too friendly, Travis is already an alien. Hmm…
-Why would you want to have dreadlocks as a professional basketball player? It seems like it would be a great inconvenience.
-I miss Pryz.
3:31 – OH THANK GOD. He’s back.
1:45 – Aldridge with back-to-back dunks on strong moves to the basket. Wow, that really seems to work! He should try doing that more often! That would open up his jumper too! How has no one thought of this before!? Nice pass by Roy on the break, too.
1.8 seconds – RUDY RUDY RUDY scores six of the Blazers’ last eight points, on a three and a circus over-the-shoulder flip and the foul.
Spanish bombs rock the province;
I’m hearing music from another time.
Fourth Quarter:
The Blazers carry a 77-72 lead entering the final period. I somehow missed the trivia question, but the trivia answer was Antoine Walker, which is exciting. It must’ve been about the All-Pear Team. More information forthcoming on this. Get excited.
11:03 – Blatche hits a jumper. The Blazers miss twice. Not bad looks, but I’d prefer to not have Sergio taking pull-up 17-footers considering who else is on the floor.
9:14 – More Blazer misses, and then Jamison hits another long two to put the Wizards back on top, 78-77. Argh.
Bayless. Bayless would be a fearsome Monstar. I’m not even sure it’s possible to draw a cartoon of B-Rex. It just ends up looking exactly like him, and that gaze is ice-cold.
7:37 – Thank KP for Brandon Roy. He finally ends the drought as the Blazers get their first points of the quarter. Sidenote: I bet Roy spends more time idly dribbling the ball just waiting than any other player in the NBA. He literally seems to lull defenders into going for his fakes by never allowing them to know when he’s going to make his move. Don’t forget your all-star ballots, folks.
6:01 – I’M OLD GREG!
4:10 – Roy misses his second free throw, and the Verizon Center PA plays that “woob-woob-woob” noise from when you lose a balloon in Mario Kart. Touché, Wizards.
4:09 – DeShaun Stevenson misses both free throws. KARMA. It’s an 86-83 Blazers lead, but we really need some stops.
3:36 – JaVale McGee (is there a limit on how many letters can be capitalized on one name?) gets wide open under the basket and finishes strong. Greg came over on the double team and then tried to block Butler’s shot, and Butler just dropped it over his shoulder to McGee. It seems like sometimes when Oden gathers himself for a block he’s susceptible to that kind of fake. I think this will fade as he regains his explosiveness.
3:09 – Roy answers with another score. He must be in double digits for the quarter now. The guy knows how to turn it on and off.
2:18 – The teams continue to trade buckets, with Portland carrying a slight edge. Rudy explodes to the hoop on a Blake missed three and tips it in. Man, is he athletic or what? I think it’s the cigarettes.
0:29 – Every Blazers hoop is answered by the Wizards, but a 94-92 Portland advantage means that made free throws = W. I feel dirty when the announcers say “Songalia” multiple times.
0:13 – Blake obliges by driving to the hoop and drawing the hard foul off the dish from Outlaw. A round of applause for the 2008-2009 Travis Outlaw, everybody! Stitch had the smarts not to jack up the open three with ten seconds on the shot clock and instead hit Blakey on the drive.
.6 seconds left – Following a Songalia miss on the Wizard’s end, Songalia fouls Brandon Roy with tenths on the clock and a five-point Blazer lead, giving me a chance to type “Songalia” two more times. Three more times. Songalia. Four.
Final Score:
Blazers 98
Wizards 92
Final Thoughts:
Overall, this game was similar in flow to the Knick game a night ago. We hung around, passing the lead back and forth. While it would have been nice to carry a lead for a while, it never really felt like the game was out of reach, or even out of control. Once again, the game ball goes to Roy, who simply turned on the jets when he needed to. He also took a beating out there, driving to the basket and hitting the floor on numerous occasions.
A win is a win is a win, and this victory takes us to 7-6 on the road, 7-0 against Eastern conference teams, and 14-6 overall. This is shaping up to be a big end to 2008. Next on the schedule is the dreaded Boston Celtics at TD Banknorth Garden. Huh? When was the Celtics' arena renamed after a snooty British lord? I imagine Lord Banknorth sitting in high-backed chair at the top of the Garden, smoking his pipe and chuckling to himself as he throws another wad of Benjamins on the fire. A tip of my cap to Paul Allen and the Trail Blazers franchise for keeping our Rose Garden pure, at least for the time being.
Until then, we’re awaiting Martell’s imminent return with baited breath.
Keep it classy folks, you know we will.
I’d like to preface with the fact that, unlike Mike, I live deep in the heart of enemy territory: Los Angeles. This has slowly blackened my heart, wrenched my insides, and generally disrupted my bowel movements. As a result, I watch Blazer games through NBA League Pass. This means that half the time I get the Comcast Blazers broadcast and the other half I get the local opponents’ broadcast. God (who is also the president of TV) flipped a coin this morning and it landed on [Joe is going to go crazy listening to Steve Buckhantz and Phil Chenier attempt to formulate complete sentences with the small, turd-like organs that reside in their] heads. Great.
It’s the Wizards vs. El Mago and the Blazers! For those of you who don’t “habla español,” El Mago is SPANISH for…the Mago!!!
Game on.
First Quarter:
11:20 – Brandon hits first. The man is just solid. If this game had started immediately following the last one, you wouldn’t be able to tell by the way he’s playing. Incredible.
9:20 – Jamison caps off a personal 7-2 run with a three from the left side. It seems he’s played this game before. 9-6, Wizards.
8:00 – Strange sequence here: Neither team can hold on to the ball, and players on both sides are falling down, passing to the other team, and generally being inept. I swear that’s four turnovers in a row.
7:50 – Make that five. Mike Rice must’ve personally mixed up the Gatorade tonight.
6:09 – Someone needs to tell Andray Blatche that he’s sporting a HUGE boogey.
2:27 – Travis comes in off the bench and immediately rattles home a long two. Is it just me, or does Outlaw “rattle in” more jumpers than any other player? I wonder if he knows that it doesn’t have to hit the rim to count…
2.8 seconds – Travis pokes away the inbounds pass out of bounds. Initially it appears that the refs may just call the quarter over as the buzzer sounded, but soon incompetence takes over and the officiating crew spends the next five minutes deciding how many tenths of a second to add to the clock. This turns out to be very important as the Wizards inbound to Nick Young in the backcourt and he drops the ball on the ground and walks to the bench.
End of the first quarter – Well, considering we turned the ball over seven times in the quarter, shot almost entirely jump shots, were blocked multiple times, and put up only 19 points, it’s not all bad. At least I’m not that guy who yells “GET IN THE HOLE!” every time Tiger swings a golf club. That’s actually Mike.
Second Quarter:
10:30 - Travis makes a three, and Rudy follows with a long two to open the second quarter. These guys are complementing each other almost unexpectedly well. Can we create a sitcom about the skinny foreigner and his wildly energetic alien pal? Oops, that’s the plot of the movie Lilo & Stitch. Never mind.
9:36 – Przybilla with a surprisingly agile flip-in off the high pick-and-roll with Rudy. Let me refer you here. 31-26 Wiz, though. I fear Nick Young. If he gets going, he can really light it up.
8:45 – Announcer Steve Buckhantz informs us of “a foul called, after the reach-around from Fernandez.” Hooray!
6:45 – After the Blazers cut it to 37-34, Przybilla gets fouled hard by Jamison and Darius Songalia. Sounds like some kind of foot fungus to me, as in “I haven’t washed my socks in a week and I’ve got some nasty Songalia developing between my toes.”
4:30 – Greg throws it down HARD for the second time so far. Somewhere on the other side of the country, Colin Cowherd stubs his toe.
3:52 – Other announcer-guy Phil Chenier tells us it was “all made possible by the penetration of Sergio Rodriguez.” Story of my life.
2:20 – Blazers timeout. Our defense has shored up nicely in the second period, emphasized by Oden’s defiant rejection of Nick Young’s floater. 45-41, Portland.
50 seconds – Butler hits a long two-pointer, but that’s his first score of the game. Cosas buenas.
Halftime:
The Blazers couldn’t score before the half but manage to finish the quarter up two, 45-43. Thanks to a more efficient second quarter and the bench (Rudy and Travis in particular) filling the scoreboard, momentum has really shifted. If we keep this up we’ll be in great shape.
I miss Eddie Jordan. I’m glad he’s not MY coach, but he has always amused me. It looks like he sharpens his teeth. Doesn’t it look like he sharpens his teeth? If I could ask him one question, that would be it.
The halftime report tells us that the LA Kobe went on a 23-6 run to end the half. Who betta?
Third Quarter:
11:30 – Gadzooks! Przybilla is not on the bench? He’s been missing since midway through the second quarter and this is my last diaper.
11:14 – Batum, with great defensive pressure on Caron Butler, forces a travel. He’s like human Velcro. Human Velcro with astoundingly long arms and debonair French charms. I like to make rhyming.
10:45 – After starting cold from outside, Blake nails a long three. I’ll bet you a beer Mike Rice just called him “Blakey.” Cheers to that, brother.
8:01 – Roy scores with his left. Then, when the announcers comment on his preference for the left side, he finishes with his right. It’s like chewy versus regular Gobstoppers. When it comes down to it, it really doesn’t matter.
7:01 – Butler gets to the line for the Wizards for the first time tonight, makes them both, and Jamison follows with a jumper. We seem to be settling down into a longer shot selection again. That and the mountains on my beer are no longer blue.
3:50 – The Blazers have committed only four turnovers since they had seven in the first quarter. That is good. Yet, they are only up by one. I have decided that is bad.
Random game thoughts:
-I’m trying to decide which of the Blazers would be the most terrifying if they were one of the Monstars from Space Jam. Greg’s face is too friendly, Travis is already an alien. Hmm…
-Why would you want to have dreadlocks as a professional basketball player? It seems like it would be a great inconvenience.
-I miss Pryz.
3:31 – OH THANK GOD. He’s back.
1:45 – Aldridge with back-to-back dunks on strong moves to the basket. Wow, that really seems to work! He should try doing that more often! That would open up his jumper too! How has no one thought of this before!? Nice pass by Roy on the break, too.
1.8 seconds – RUDY RUDY RUDY scores six of the Blazers’ last eight points, on a three and a circus over-the-shoulder flip and the foul.
Spanish bombs rock the province;
I’m hearing music from another time.
Fourth Quarter:
The Blazers carry a 77-72 lead entering the final period. I somehow missed the trivia question, but the trivia answer was Antoine Walker, which is exciting. It must’ve been about the All-Pear Team. More information forthcoming on this. Get excited.
11:03 – Blatche hits a jumper. The Blazers miss twice. Not bad looks, but I’d prefer to not have Sergio taking pull-up 17-footers considering who else is on the floor.
9:14 – More Blazer misses, and then Jamison hits another long two to put the Wizards back on top, 78-77. Argh.
Bayless. Bayless would be a fearsome Monstar. I’m not even sure it’s possible to draw a cartoon of B-Rex. It just ends up looking exactly like him, and that gaze is ice-cold.
7:37 – Thank KP for Brandon Roy. He finally ends the drought as the Blazers get their first points of the quarter. Sidenote: I bet Roy spends more time idly dribbling the ball just waiting than any other player in the NBA. He literally seems to lull defenders into going for his fakes by never allowing them to know when he’s going to make his move. Don’t forget your all-star ballots, folks.
6:01 – I’M OLD GREG!
4:10 – Roy misses his second free throw, and the Verizon Center PA plays that “woob-woob-woob” noise from when you lose a balloon in Mario Kart. Touché, Wizards.
4:09 – DeShaun Stevenson misses both free throws. KARMA. It’s an 86-83 Blazers lead, but we really need some stops.
3:36 – JaVale McGee (is there a limit on how many letters can be capitalized on one name?) gets wide open under the basket and finishes strong. Greg came over on the double team and then tried to block Butler’s shot, and Butler just dropped it over his shoulder to McGee. It seems like sometimes when Oden gathers himself for a block he’s susceptible to that kind of fake. I think this will fade as he regains his explosiveness.
3:09 – Roy answers with another score. He must be in double digits for the quarter now. The guy knows how to turn it on and off.
2:18 – The teams continue to trade buckets, with Portland carrying a slight edge. Rudy explodes to the hoop on a Blake missed three and tips it in. Man, is he athletic or what? I think it’s the cigarettes.
0:29 – Every Blazers hoop is answered by the Wizards, but a 94-92 Portland advantage means that made free throws = W. I feel dirty when the announcers say “Songalia” multiple times.
0:13 – Blake obliges by driving to the hoop and drawing the hard foul off the dish from Outlaw. A round of applause for the 2008-2009 Travis Outlaw, everybody! Stitch had the smarts not to jack up the open three with ten seconds on the shot clock and instead hit Blakey on the drive.
.6 seconds left – Following a Songalia miss on the Wizard’s end, Songalia fouls Brandon Roy with tenths on the clock and a five-point Blazer lead, giving me a chance to type “Songalia” two more times. Three more times. Songalia. Four.
Final Score:
Blazers 98
Wizards 92
Final Thoughts:
Overall, this game was similar in flow to the Knick game a night ago. We hung around, passing the lead back and forth. While it would have been nice to carry a lead for a while, it never really felt like the game was out of reach, or even out of control. Once again, the game ball goes to Roy, who simply turned on the jets when he needed to. He also took a beating out there, driving to the basket and hitting the floor on numerous occasions.
A win is a win is a win, and this victory takes us to 7-6 on the road, 7-0 against Eastern conference teams, and 14-6 overall. This is shaping up to be a big end to 2008. Next on the schedule is the dreaded Boston Celtics at TD Banknorth Garden. Huh? When was the Celtics' arena renamed after a snooty British lord? I imagine Lord Banknorth sitting in high-backed chair at the top of the Garden, smoking his pipe and chuckling to himself as he throws another wad of Benjamins on the fire. A tip of my cap to Paul Allen and the Trail Blazers franchise for keeping our Rose Garden pure, at least for the time being.
Until then, we’re awaiting Martell’s imminent return with baited breath.
Keep it classy folks, you know we will.
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