Greetings, friends. Time to introduce (yet another phenomenal) segment into the Kobestoppers' lexicon of crap. It goes a little something like this: Little Stoppers have Kobe-related problems. Head Stoppers teach them how to take a VACATION from those problems. Then we post the call transcript for everyone's reading pleasure.
12/14/08
8:42 PM, PST
Kobestopper Joe: Kobestoppers, this is Joe. How may I direct your call?
Caller: Yeah, hi. I’m…uh…interested in stopping Kobe…
Kobestopper Joe: Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place. We offer many Kobe-stopping services.
Caller: Well, my problem is kind of....embarrassing.
Kobestopper Joe: This is a confidential line, sir.
Caller: OK. Well, you know how some people are afraid of toilet snakes? Well, I'm one of those people. Except…except my phobia is especially severe. (whispering) Every time I sit down to use the toilet, I…I can't. I just start crying and have to leave my house. I'm petrified that the Mamba will get me. This fear has turned both my personal and my professional life into a living hell. (sobbing) Please, please help me.
Kobestopper Joe: Well...unfortunately, he probably will.
Caller: What???
Kobestopper Joe: Kobe. He'll get you. The fact is, the Mamba is everywhere, and he strikes with 99 percent accuracy and precision at maximum speed. So, you’re pretty much f*@%ed.
Caller: Oh my God. This is terrible. I thought you were here to help people! I'm even more afraid of Kobe Bryant now than when I called you people up!!
Kobestopper Joe: Here's what you can do. Go to kobestoppers.blogspot.com. Read every article. Your problems will be solved. Now if you have no more questions, sir, I’m going to go poop.
Caller: You son of a bitch.
That's it for this week's installment. Now, go get ready for a big home win against "Big" Brad Miller and his retarded half-mutant clone, "Much Younger And Nearly As Large" Brad Miller.
No comments:
Post a Comment