Back again, folks, for another meticulously-crafted version of the Kobestoppers’ game diary from our Sports Central Headquarters in the heart of the Rose Garden. What? It’s just me on my couch with a Coors Light in one hand and a pen in the other? Well, I will say this: at least I can tell my beer is cold by looking at it.
I’d like to preface with the fact that, unlike Mike, I live deep in the heart of enemy territory: Los Angeles. This has slowly blackened my heart, wrenched my insides, and generally disrupted my bowel movements. As a result, I watch Blazer games through NBA League Pass. This means that half the time I get the Comcast Blazers broadcast and the other half I get the local opponents’ broadcast. God (who is also the president of TV) flipped a coin this morning and it landed on [Joe is going to go crazy listening to Steve Buckhantz and Phil Chenier attempt to formulate complete sentences with the small, turd-like organs that reside in their] heads. Great.
It’s the Wizards vs. El Mago and the Blazers! For those of you who don’t “habla español,” El Mago is SPANISH for…the Mago!!!
Game on.
First Quarter:
11:20 – Brandon hits first. The man is just solid. If this game had started immediately following the last one, you wouldn’t be able to tell by the way he’s playing. Incredible.
9:20 – Jamison caps off a personal 7-2 run with a three from the left side. It seems he’s played this game before. 9-6, Wizards.
8:00 – Strange sequence here: Neither team can hold on to the ball, and players on both sides are falling down, passing to the other team, and generally being inept. I swear that’s four turnovers in a row.
7:50 – Make that five. Mike Rice must’ve personally mixed up the Gatorade tonight.
6:09 – Someone needs to tell Andray Blatche that he’s sporting a HUGE boogey.
2:27 – Travis comes in off the bench and immediately rattles home a long two. Is it just me, or does Outlaw “rattle in” more jumpers than any other player? I wonder if he knows that it doesn’t have to hit the rim to count…
2.8 seconds – Travis pokes away the inbounds pass out of bounds. Initially it appears that the refs may just call the quarter over as the buzzer sounded, but soon incompetence takes over and the officiating crew spends the next five minutes deciding how many tenths of a second to add to the clock. This turns out to be very important as the Wizards inbound to Nick Young in the backcourt and he drops the ball on the ground and walks to the bench.
End of the first quarter – Well, considering we turned the ball over seven times in the quarter, shot almost entirely jump shots, were blocked multiple times, and put up only 19 points, it’s not all bad. At least I’m not that guy who yells “GET IN THE HOLE!” every time Tiger swings a golf club. That’s actually Mike.
Second Quarter:
10:30 - Travis makes a three, and Rudy follows with a long two to open the second quarter. These guys are complementing each other almost unexpectedly well. Can we create a sitcom about the skinny foreigner and his wildly energetic alien pal? Oops, that’s the plot of the movie Lilo & Stitch. Never mind.
9:36 – Przybilla with a surprisingly agile flip-in off the high pick-and-roll with Rudy. Let me refer you here. 31-26 Wiz, though. I fear Nick Young. If he gets going, he can really light it up.
8:45 – Announcer Steve Buckhantz informs us of “a foul called, after the reach-around from Fernandez.” Hooray!
6:45 – After the Blazers cut it to 37-34, Przybilla gets fouled hard by Jamison and Darius Songalia. Sounds like some kind of foot fungus to me, as in “I haven’t washed my socks in a week and I’ve got some nasty Songalia developing between my toes.”
4:30 – Greg throws it down HARD for the second time so far. Somewhere on the other side of the country, Colin Cowherd stubs his toe.
3:52 – Other announcer-guy Phil Chenier tells us it was “all made possible by the penetration of Sergio Rodriguez.” Story of my life.
2:20 – Blazers timeout. Our defense has shored up nicely in the second period, emphasized by Oden’s defiant rejection of Nick Young’s floater. 45-41, Portland.
50 seconds – Butler hits a long two-pointer, but that’s his first score of the game. Cosas buenas.
Halftime:
The Blazers couldn’t score before the half but manage to finish the quarter up two, 45-43. Thanks to a more efficient second quarter and the bench (Rudy and Travis in particular) filling the scoreboard, momentum has really shifted. If we keep this up we’ll be in great shape.
I miss Eddie Jordan. I’m glad he’s not MY coach, but he has always amused me. It looks like he sharpens his teeth. Doesn’t it look like he sharpens his teeth? If I could ask him one question, that would be it.
The halftime report tells us that the LA Kobe went on a 23-6 run to end the half. Who betta?
Third Quarter:
11:30 – Gadzooks! Przybilla is not on the bench? He’s been missing since midway through the second quarter and this is my last diaper.
11:14 – Batum, with great defensive pressure on Caron Butler, forces a travel. He’s like human Velcro. Human Velcro with astoundingly long arms and debonair French charms. I like to make rhyming.
10:45 – After starting cold from outside, Blake nails a long three. I’ll bet you a beer Mike Rice just called him “Blakey.” Cheers to that, brother.
8:01 – Roy scores with his left. Then, when the announcers comment on his preference for the left side, he finishes with his right. It’s like chewy versus regular Gobstoppers. When it comes down to it, it really doesn’t matter.
7:01 – Butler gets to the line for the Wizards for the first time tonight, makes them both, and Jamison follows with a jumper. We seem to be settling down into a longer shot selection again. That and the mountains on my beer are no longer blue.
3:50 – The Blazers have committed only four turnovers since they had seven in the first quarter. That is good. Yet, they are only up by one. I have decided that is bad.
Random game thoughts:
-I’m trying to decide which of the Blazers would be the most terrifying if they were one of the Monstars from Space Jam. Greg’s face is too friendly, Travis is already an alien. Hmm…
-Why would you want to have dreadlocks as a professional basketball player? It seems like it would be a great inconvenience.
-I miss Pryz.
3:31 – OH THANK GOD. He’s back.
1:45 – Aldridge with back-to-back dunks on strong moves to the basket. Wow, that really seems to work! He should try doing that more often! That would open up his jumper too! How has no one thought of this before!? Nice pass by Roy on the break, too.
1.8 seconds – RUDY RUDY RUDY scores six of the Blazers’ last eight points, on a three and a circus over-the-shoulder flip and the foul.
Spanish bombs rock the province;
I’m hearing music from another time.
Fourth Quarter:
The Blazers carry a 77-72 lead entering the final period. I somehow missed the trivia question, but the trivia answer was Antoine Walker, which is exciting. It must’ve been about the All-Pear Team. More information forthcoming on this. Get excited.
11:03 – Blatche hits a jumper. The Blazers miss twice. Not bad looks, but I’d prefer to not have Sergio taking pull-up 17-footers considering who else is on the floor.
9:14 – More Blazer misses, and then Jamison hits another long two to put the Wizards back on top, 78-77. Argh.
Bayless. Bayless would be a fearsome Monstar. I’m not even sure it’s possible to draw a cartoon of B-Rex. It just ends up looking exactly like him, and that gaze is ice-cold.
7:37 – Thank KP for Brandon Roy. He finally ends the drought as the Blazers get their first points of the quarter. Sidenote: I bet Roy spends more time idly dribbling the ball just waiting than any other player in the NBA. He literally seems to lull defenders into going for his fakes by never allowing them to know when he’s going to make his move. Don’t forget your all-star ballots, folks.
6:01 – I’M OLD GREG!
4:10 – Roy misses his second free throw, and the Verizon Center PA plays that “woob-woob-woob” noise from when you lose a balloon in Mario Kart. Touché, Wizards.
4:09 – DeShaun Stevenson misses both free throws. KARMA. It’s an 86-83 Blazers lead, but we really need some stops.
3:36 – JaVale McGee (is there a limit on how many letters can be capitalized on one name?) gets wide open under the basket and finishes strong. Greg came over on the double team and then tried to block Butler’s shot, and Butler just dropped it over his shoulder to McGee. It seems like sometimes when Oden gathers himself for a block he’s susceptible to that kind of fake. I think this will fade as he regains his explosiveness.
3:09 – Roy answers with another score. He must be in double digits for the quarter now. The guy knows how to turn it on and off.
2:18 – The teams continue to trade buckets, with Portland carrying a slight edge. Rudy explodes to the hoop on a Blake missed three and tips it in. Man, is he athletic or what? I think it’s the cigarettes.
0:29 – Every Blazers hoop is answered by the Wizards, but a 94-92 Portland advantage means that made free throws = W. I feel dirty when the announcers say “Songalia” multiple times.
0:13 – Blake obliges by driving to the hoop and drawing the hard foul off the dish from Outlaw. A round of applause for the 2008-2009 Travis Outlaw, everybody! Stitch had the smarts not to jack up the open three with ten seconds on the shot clock and instead hit Blakey on the drive.
.6 seconds left – Following a Songalia miss on the Wizard’s end, Songalia fouls Brandon Roy with tenths on the clock and a five-point Blazer lead, giving me a chance to type “Songalia” two more times. Three more times. Songalia. Four.
Final Score:
Blazers 98
Wizards 92
Final Thoughts:
Overall, this game was similar in flow to the Knick game a night ago. We hung around, passing the lead back and forth. While it would have been nice to carry a lead for a while, it never really felt like the game was out of reach, or even out of control. Once again, the game ball goes to Roy, who simply turned on the jets when he needed to. He also took a beating out there, driving to the basket and hitting the floor on numerous occasions.
A win is a win is a win, and this victory takes us to 7-6 on the road, 7-0 against Eastern conference teams, and 14-6 overall. This is shaping up to be a big end to 2008. Next on the schedule is the dreaded Boston Celtics at TD Banknorth Garden. Huh? When was the Celtics' arena renamed after a snooty British lord? I imagine Lord Banknorth sitting in high-backed chair at the top of the Garden, smoking his pipe and chuckling to himself as he throws another wad of Benjamins on the fire. A tip of my cap to Paul Allen and the Trail Blazers franchise for keeping our Rose Garden pure, at least for the time being.
Until then, we’re awaiting Martell’s imminent return with baited breath.
Keep it classy folks, you know we will.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment