Running Diary - Bucks at Blazers

1/19/09
7:02 PM, PST

OBAMMAAAAAA!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!! CHANGGGGGGEEEEEE!!!!!! ETC!!!!!!!

Whew. Well, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk some ball.*

*Kobestoppers is in no way shape or form affiliated with the CSN talk show “Talkin’ Ball.” Thank God.

Pre-game Thoughts

- I’m so angry about being deprived of a Blake vs. Ridnour showdown that I actually just peed a little bit.

- Rebecca Harlow better being praying every night that I never get her number, because if I do, something similar to this masterpiece is definitely in her future.

- How to beat the Milwaukee Bucks, by Mike: Hold Redd and Jefferson to under 40 and keep Charlie Villanueva off the boards. Oh, and if at all possible, let Dan Gadzuric get as many easy touches as possible. Trust me on this one.

- I had a short conversation with Joe before the game that I thought I’d share with you guys:

Joe: So you’re doing the diary for the game tonight, right?
Mike: Yeah, I can do that.
Joe: Cool. Maybe this one will actually be half-decent.
Mike: Hey. I know for a fact that if I continue to do these running diaries, just like I continue to play pool, I’m going to get better at it.
Joe: Are you the next Bill Simmons?
Mike: If…yea…if I continue to drink that G2…WATCH OUT BILL SIMMONS.

- Before the game, Bob Delaney jokingly handed Mike Rice his whistle, offering Rice the chance to ref the game. First point: the Mikes laughed entirely too long about this. Seriously, they looked like they were in the front row for “Delirious.” Second point: Mike Rice, while generally not what most of us would call “coherent” during ballgames, actually would do a hell of a lot better job than 90 percent of the league’s referees. I swear to God, half the time they’re guessing blindly, and there are THREE OF THEM. Drives me nuts. OK, enough crying. It’s Greggerin’ time!

First Quarter

7:11 – Gadzuric receives the ball on the baseline and tumbles out of bounds like King Hippo after a Little Mac uppercut. Perfect.

7:13 – Real quick: doesn’t Villanueva look like a supervillain of some kind? Wait, on second thought, Scott Skiles is definitely the supervillain, and Charlie is his evil bodyguard. Seriously, I think they’re number one on my “coach and player on the same team who might actually hijack a nuclear warhead and hold the world hostage” list.

7:15 – LaMarcus is 2-2 to start the game. We look sharp tonight, fellas. Brandon abuses Redd on a gnarly turnaround J, making it 10-2, Blazeshow.

7:18 – LaMarcus is now 3-3. What a sweet stroke this guy has. I can’t get over it. What do you call a guy who’s the franchise player, but he’s not? A McHale? A Pippen? Well, whatever it is, it’s definitely not a Gadzuric.

7:19 – I’M OLD GREG!!!! Man, is it me, or has it been a while since I’ve screamed that at the top of my lungs? You know, it actually kind of hurts when you’re not used to it. Ow.

7:21 – It’s 18-8 with 4:33 to go, and we’re really crashing the boards. This is the team I’m used to seeing. It’s good to be back home.

7:28 – Well, Greg’s all grown up (in case you weren’t listening the first 400 times he told you). Why does Comcast insist on torturing its viewers by airing the same eight commercials during every single freaking game? You tell me. I want to know. Really, go ahead and email me the answer, because for the love of God, I can’t figure it out.

7:34 – It’s 22-9, good guys, but our bench is getting beat up pretty bad. Milwaukee’s second unit is really taking it to us. Man, we really need Gadzuric back in there.

Second Quarter

7:38 – Oh, baby. We nearly had a little previewo of el dunko contesta (sorry to you native Spanish speakers, I was too lazy to go to Babelfish), but the basketball gods cruelly denied us a Spanish Inquisition alley-oop. By the way, if the basketball gods are reading this, know that I was going to perform a sacrifice of the flesh later, but now you can just forget about it, you jerks.

7:46 – Greg spins baseline for an easy two. Those are what I like to call gravy buckets. Look at poor Malik Allen, all covered in gravy like that. Get that boy a biscuit.

7:47 – Michael Redd suddenly wakes up and realizes that he’s the best player on his team. Unfortunate. Nate wants to talk it over. 31-30, Portland, with 6:21 to go.

7:55 – BEAUTIFUL high-low action between LaMarcus and Greg produces an earth-shattering jam by The Old One. Greg’s seal on his defender inside was absolutely perfect, and I demand to see more. He can do that type of stuff every single time down the floor. In case you hadn’t noticed, I really, really like Greg.

7:56 – Gadzuric misses a dunk, then hangs on the rim and his called for offensive interference when the ball slingshots off the rim when he finally lets go. MVP! MVP! MVP!

7:57 – So far we’ve heard from Bayless, Channing, and now Nate about the meaning of MLK Day. While we can all agree that if ever there was a well-deserved holiday, it’s this one (I’m looking at you, Valentine’s Day…), I’m still holding out hope that someday, some polarizing, renegade athlete will commit career suicide and say something like, “you know, I’m not really that into the Doctor. Equal rights for all, regardless of skin color, achieved through non-violence? Not really my thing.” That would completely destroy every awkward sports moment ever recorded on film. Joe Namath and Suzy Kolber? Adios. Janet Jackson’s booby malfunction? Toast. Even Al Campanis and Jimmy the Greek would go down in flames. Rodzilla, if you’re out there, please, please, please, start hitting the gym. I hear the Kings could use some toughness inside, and you know the Maloofs would at least consider it. I know you can do it. I believe in you.

8:02 – Hey, it’s Brian Wheeler’s birthday. Better call Bib Fortuna and make the party arrangements. Ay-Wanna-Wonga!!!! By the way, we’re up 45-40 as the half comes to a close.

Halftime Notes

- We’re certainly executing better than we did on the road trip, but the extra effort we displayed to battle back in New Jersey and Charlotte is disturbingly absent tonight, especially in that second quarter. Our bench just got outworked. It’s as simple as that.

- Greg is everywhere, much like the God of Abraham. He only has one foul, and his energy is unprecedented. Greg, whatever you had for breakfast, for the love of all that’s holy, keep eating that stuff.

- I love Dan Gaduric.

- LaMarcus really seems to have turned the corner. He’s affected the game on every single possession. Write it down: if he stays healthy, he’s going to be damn near unstoppable. And if that defense keeps improving, he’s going to be our version of Tim Duncan. Only, you know, um…athletic, and stuff.

Third Quarter

8:18 – Nic starts the half off right with a beautiful steal, then channels Travis and throws the ball away after his brief moment in the sun. However, we needn’t worry about that turnover because Greg has just harnessed the powers of the Flash and stolen the ball right back. Greg running the break? I like this very much.

8:26 – Now we’re finally cooking with gas, maniacs. 51-42, Blaze, with 4:52 to go. We’re moving the ball on offense and attacking both the rim and the backboards. Nic is cheating into passing lanes and Serge is pushing the ball up the floor. We might run away with this one.

8:27 – You know, if I had to describe Scott Skiles using only one word, I think that word would be “grumbly.”

8:29 – Cheesy Double Beef Burrito time again. As a former barista, I must say that I am profoundly disturbed at how badly the guy behind the counter gets dicked over in this commercial. Just give the guy the 89 cents, for God’s sake. Screw double the beef! I mean, look at yourself. Do you really NEED double the beef on that greasy cholesterol wrap that you’re about to devour? Just….TIP ME, DAMMIT. Sorry. We…uh…didn’t get a lot of tips down at the old Beanery, you know?

8:35 – More high-low action to Greg. Score the bucket AND THE FOUL.

8:36 – Look out, everybody. Tyronn Lue is in the building. I’m finding that I hate him a lot less without the dreads and the Lakers jersey. Huh.

8:38 – B-Rex catches in rhythm and let’s a three pointer fly…RIP CITY.

Sidenote: I love that Nate has left Greg in the game for so long. This accomplishes two things: first, in order to get in game shape, you have to actually play some minutes. Second, this game experience is going to prove invaluable come (with any luck, around) playoff time. He’s only got two fouls, so why not leave him in? He’s young. Go ahead and let him get tired. That’s good for the big fella. Nate better win coach of the year.

8:46 – RJ is fouled by Bayless on the break and scores an easy two. That makes eight quick points for the Bucks. Ruh-row.

8:47 – A Lue three caps a 10-3 Bucks run. Travis comes through with a clutch three of his own, but Jefferson answers right back to end the quarter. 71-64, Blaze.

Fourth Quarter

8:54 – Rudy drills a three, then draws a charge against a three-on-one break. Vote him. Oh, that’s right, we already did. 76-68, Blazers.

9:00 – Villanueva flops like an Argentine as Greg backs him down, and he justly receives no whistle. Greg scoffs at the Oscar-worthy performance, turns, and calmly dunks over Charlie’s corpse. My favorite part was how he carefully tiptoed over the body on his way back down the floor.

9:07 – Jefferson drives middle and jams, despite getting fouled on the arm. That was too easy. I’m starting to get a little nervous, here.

9:08 – Nevermind. I totally forgot about how Greg is currently matched up against Malik Allen. 22 points for Oden after that throwdown.

9:11 – Rid hits a step-back three to make it 91-83. Nice of him to finally join the game, wouldn’t you say?

9:15 – MAKE AN ASSESSMENT!!!!!! Wow. Greg got up SO high for that block, he’s still coming down. On the other end, he flips in a sweet, whirling dervish of a lefty hook for his 23rd and 24th points of the night.

9:17 – Sergio hits Rudy with a slick bounce pass for an easy two. Chalupas! Yep, it was touch-and-go for a while there, maniacs, but the Jell-O’s finally jigglin’.

Final Score:

Blazers: 102
Bucks: 85

Closing Thoughts

- Greg’s box score: 24/15 with two steals and two blocks. He set a new career high for points and tied his rebounding record. His energy was fantastic. He ran the floor, established himself down low and dominated the middle on defense, moving his feet beautifully to avoid picking up cheap fouls. Hell, he even laughed a little bit tonight. My guess is we’ll be seeing more of this type of play, especially against weak-ass, Milwaukee-esque front lines.

- LaMarcus…well, you already know. I love this guy.

- We played much better team defense tonight, and I think Greg’s lack of foul trouble was evidence of that. We collapsed on penetration and forced much tougher shots than we did against Charlotte.

- We still need to learn how to keep the intensity up for a full 48 minutes. That lull in the second quarter was painful to watch.

OK, maniacs. That’s it for me. Don’t forget, BronBron’s coming to town on Wednesday, so wear something nice. And for the love of God, as Striker previously stated, don’t even THINK about his mama.