Pre-game Thoughts:
- I can already tell, the emotions in this game are going to run high. After what happened last year on this court, you know the Blazers are looking for revenge. The Cavs have a less-than-perfect road record, with all 8 of their losses coming off away games. I wouldn’t call it bad blood, but it is definitely spirited rivalry at the least.
- In order for Greg to have an effective night he needs to STAY OUT OF FOUL TROUBLE. This means perimeter defense on Lebron, Mo Williams, and other drivers to keep Oden from picking up fouls. There, I’ve told you what to do. Now do it.
- Hand in hand with my previous bullet is this: make Lebron shoot from outside. He’s shooting 29% on three-pointers this season. Make him beat us from there.
- I just found out that us lucky league pass watchers are being treated to the Cleveland broadcast, so get ready for more “L-Trains,” “Throw the hammer downs,” and “In the Rose Gardens” than a sane man can take. Seriously, Austin Carr is the most annoying man on the planet. More on this to come.
- They are showing the Blazer introductions. Cool.
- LaMarcus is wearing a white headband instead of his usual black. If he has a bad game I’m blaming the headband.
First Quarter:
I hate this pre-game Lebron “look how cool I am I’ll make a commercial about me clapping chalk and make a billion dollars” routine. If you got chalk in Mike Rice’s bourbon he is going to freak…actually no, he probably won’t notice.
11:40 – Lebron fires from deep. This is exactly what we want.
11:25 – Aldridge hits a long jumper. I’m pretty sure I have written those words in the opening minutes of every game diary I’ve written.
10:50 – OLD GREG blocks Lebron’s layup from the left side. I pee a little.
10:38 – Anderson Varejao draws an offensive foul on Greg. What’s the over/under on garbage foul calls drawn by Varejao on Greg? I’m thinking 2.5.
Sidenote: Word on the street is that Monty Mccutchen, one of tonight’s referees, calls more fouls on the home team than any other referee at 51.6%. Great.
9:30 – Sergio hits a 3 from the corner. Yes, he is not a particularly good three-point shooter, but announcers touting his 29% from behind the arc fail to note that about 1/10 of his threes come from half court or further at the end of quarters. The Cleveland Lebron leads, 8-6.
Also, Cavs Announcers Idiocy Watch ’09: They chastise Sergio for shooting a three, while Lebron is shooting an incredible 1% better from range.
9:07 – Varejao holds the ball above his head and jumps several times. In America, we call that a “travel.” This is an important concept for basketball players.
Sidenote: Anderson Varejao is an elementary school lunch lady. Someone get that man a hair net. Think of the children!
7:08 – Aldridge and Batum miss consecutive open jumpers, but Greg grabs an offensive board and finishes with a flush. Good aggressiveness on the boards ties the game at 12.
5:35 – Lebron hits an 18-footer, making it three in a row from outside. Batum is forcing Lebron outside like we want; unfortunately he’s making all his shots anyway. I don’t know what to do.
A commercial for Labatt Blue Light. I believe this beer is formed by the bonding of two hydrogen atoms with one oxygen atom. I like ‘em straight from the Brita filter.
Sidenote: Apparently Daniel Gibson likes to shave various things into his head. This sounds like a Cleveland team prank waiting to happen. They should shave a boob into his head. Get it, cause he’s Boobie? Shut up.
4:45 – Aldridge hits back-to-back shots: a running hook followed by a 10 footer. He’s got 8 early points.
Cavs Announcers Idiocy Watch ’09: “Bayless wasn’t playing at the beginning of the year, and he was not happy about it.” This is just a complete lie. He wasn’t playing because HE IS A ROOKIE THIRD STRING POINT GUARD.
2:46 – Wally Szczerbiak grabs Przybilla by the arm like a useless female in a horror film trying to distract the mutant serial killer before it kills her boyfriend. Pryz simply taps in LMA’s miss and draws the foul. Oh, and he’s still going to kill Wally’s boyfriend.
1:31 – SICK dribble move by Sergio between his legs from behind to split the defenders but Aldridge misses the easy finish. LMA, you’re killing Sergio’s stat line.
0:00 – Wally hits a three with 7 seconds left, but Batum answers with a long jumper to end the quarter. The Lebron leads, 28-25.
Second Quarter:
Ok folks, this has waited too long. Troof must come to the light. Mike Brown IS Mr. Potato Head. It’s good to know that an assembled plastic toy is currently the popular choice for coach of the year. Dammit.
11:48 – Rudy hits a 3. In case you haven’t noticed, Rudy has made a three in 40 of the 41 games he has played and is currently in position to break the record for most three pointers in a season by a rookie (this record is currently held by Kerry Kittles). Also he is on pace to impregnate the most women with his mind in a season by a rookie (this record is not held by Kerry Kittles).
In my quick searching of Kerry Kittles I found this, which is far funnier:
HAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHA. Hahaha. Ha. Woooooooo.
10:19 – Newsflash: JJ Hickson appears to suck. He has 3 fouls.
9:55 – Mo Williams hits an open three in transition. Our three-point defense has been dreadful all year, and this is one team that we really can’t afford to give up open looks to.
Cavs Announcers Idiocy Watch ’09: I have decided that Austin Carr is in fact the Scat Man. Both speak unintelligible gibberish, yet are somehow famous and somewhat respected. Both are incredibly annoying. The Scat Man made one song and disappeared. Can Austin Carr disappear? Please?
Quick excerpt from the song “The Scat Man”:
-Scatting-
I’m the scat man!
-Scatting-
I’m the scat man!
-Scatting-
Wee bababadabo bababadabo x4
-Scatting-
Glorious.
5:47 – Lebron is called for a carry. A tear opens in the space-time continuum. Lebron whines like a baby. The rift closes, all is back to normal.
4:35 – Lebron goes to the rack, resulting in the Scat Man saying something like “Scatbabadoodbie L-train! Skeebabadopeadope in the Rose Garden!”
3:35 – Roy drives to the hoop and flips in a running jumper, but he’s been quiet offensively so far. Blazers trail, 41-38.
3:20 – Lebron catches a backdoor alley-oop off a Mo Williams lob. He then stands there, arms outstretched, basking in his own glory. I am seriously disgusted by how much he loves himself.
0:25 – Mo Williams hits an impossible baseline shot over LaMarcus’ hand in his face. He is now 7-8 from the field, for 18 points. God. Dammit.
0:03 – I liked this play. Brandon stood at the top of the arc, idly dribbling time off of the clock. The Cleveland defense obviously scooted toward the middle to prepare for the Brandon drive. So, with two seconds on the shot clock, Brandon faked toward the basket and dished it to the side to Outlaw for the open three. Boom baby.
Halftime:
Unfortunately, the Blazers trail 53-45 after showing glimpses and then lapses of good defense.
- We allowed 6 points in the first 7 minutes of the second quarter, and 18 points in the last 5 minutes. Interestingly, Lebron was out for the first four minutes of the quarter. Is that interesting? Maybe not.
- Wally has 8 rebounds. Aldridge has 1 rebound. What’s wrong with this picture?
- The Cleveland Lebron is shooting 56% from the field. That better come way down or we are toast.
- Weeeee babadoobo deepbadabingo.
Third Quarter:
11:25 – Greg gets called for a foul after Varejao literally picked up Oden’s arm and dropped it on his face. This is just pathetic. Flopping I can handle, at least when a player attempts to create the illusion of contact by taking a charge when there isn’t enough contact. But this? This is just being that punk who is waving his arms around and poking you in the kidneys during a pick-up game. Varejao is just bitter because there were no leftover bean burritos after lunch.
8:52 – Lebron hits a 17-footer. The plan of keeping Lebron in front and making him a jumpshooter? Not working so well. He’s hit three long jumpshots already this quarter.
Cavs Announcers Idiocy Watch ’09: “Break out the 20,000 crying towels, cause the Blazer fans are whining for every call." 30 seconds later both announcers cry out about a "flagrant" foul on Pryz which did not happen.
8:40 – Brandon takes an off-balance leaner late in the shot clock that misses completely, but Batum is there on the put back dunk! So sweet. 59-54, Cavs lead.
5:00 – Lebron hits back-to-back three pointers. The Scat Man murmurs something in scat. I begin preparing a bag of scat to throw at the Scat Man in case I ever see him.
3:15 – Aldridge faces up Varejao nicely and drops a 13-footer on his face.
1:05 – Bayless elevates and hits from 19 feet. Apparently Bayless is playing!
Here is Lebron's shot chart from the 3rd quarter:
So...we've stayed in front of him and made him a jumpshooter...it just isn't working anyway.
Fourth Quarter:
It’s a 74-69 Lebron lead, and if the Blazers don’t get some consistent play on both sides of the ball we are in trouble. As good as Roy is in the clutch in a close game, we don’t want a repeat of last year’s game.
Mike Brown has his googly-eyes in.
9:52 – Bayless hits two free throws and then makes a CIRCUS layup under two Cavs defenders. Man, at what point in a game do we just abandon all offensive sets and just let Bayless and Roy drive and dish? …maybe that is the offensive set.
8:25 – After two more Bayless free throws, Greg “fouls” Lebron to pick up his 5th and Nate immediately pulls him to save him for clutch minutes.
Oh. My. God. A commercial for www.FarmersOnly.com just aired, with the jingle: “You don’t have to be lonely, at farmersonly.com." I’m speechless.
6:46 – Roy goes left, finishes, and draws the foul. It’s looking like this finish might be the Roy/Lebron showdown. I don’t like those odds. That said, we’ve taken the lead, 82-81.
5:22 – Lebron hits AGAIN from three. If he is going to make ridiculous deep three pointers, I’m not sure there is anything we can do. 86-82, Cleveland.
2:55 – After trading baskets for a couple minutes, the Blazers begin trapping Lebron just across half court, forcing him to make a long pass inside. Unfortunately, that leaves us shorthanded to defend once the ball gets there. This time, though, Travis comes rushing back and unleashes a HUGE block on Lebron from behind. Portland cannot capitalize and then Mo Williams hits a 3 to put the Lebron up by 7.
That’s it folks. The Blazers hung around, making a couple threes and another basket, but the Cavs hit their free throws and held on to win. Brandon missed two driving layups in the last three minutes that would have been huge for us, but we can’t put this one on him. Our energy level, while good for periods of time, was not enough down the stretch.
The fabled Cleveland defense was in full force, holding the Blazers to 40% shooting on the night. Blake certainly would have helped us spread the defense tonight, as we were only 7-22 from behind the arc. Get well, buddy!
Final Score: Lebron 102, Blazers 98
Final Tally:
“L-trains” – 16.
“In the Rose Gardens” – 13
“Throws the hammer downs” – 9 (somehow, off of 4 dunks).
Until next time, skoobapadeedop biddibapapapow!
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