Joe Knows: Assault with a Leather Weapon Edition

I'd prefer it if you didn't get in my way... Your loss.

Sweet sassy molassey.

Kobestopper Mike and I have been kicking around an idea for a post which showcases Brandon's "sneaky athleticism." It has become apparent to us that, not only is Roy's athleticism underrated (in the 2006 NBA draft combine, Brandon's vertical was 40.5", here are other NBA players for comparison), but he is sneakily explosive and will unexpectedly unleash something tremendous when given the opportunity. According to these people who probably have no credibility, Kobe's vertical is a mere 38". Suck it, Mamba.

Needless to say, we will no longer be worried about writing this piece. Anyone who reads this blog that still questions Brandon's athleticism is officially dubbed a Mambasucker, the lowest of the low.

An open letter to Cheikh Samb:

Dear Mr. Samb,

The Portland Trail Blazers would like to thank you for your contribution to the franchise's 2008-2009 NBA season. Your courage in the face of extreme adversity has resulted in a wonderful video clip and one of our best-selling posters of all time. In honor of your sacrifice, and on behalf of the entire Blazers organization, we would like to present you with this Brandon Roy-autographed poster of yourself.

Sincerely,

Larry Miller, Kevin Pritchard, and Paul Allen

PS: If you are interested in being an obstacle for the dunk contest, please respond to this email and we would be happy introduce you to Rudy Fernandez.

This was quite possibly the dunk of the year so far.



Sidenote:

I was at the game last night and with about 3 minutes left Clippers fans were leaving the stadium in full force. I thought I might try to get down by the tunnel so I could get an autograph or even just a high five. As I tried to make my way down there, I was stopped by a woman who takes tickets and told I couldn’t go down there.

I said, “But everyone is leaving, there’s no one down there. I’m just trying to see if I can say hey to any of the players.” She adamantly refused.

I then turned around to find an angry Staples Center manager or something giving me the stink-eye. I pleaded my case with him as well but he was quite rude, simply saying “you can either go back to your seat or you can leave.”

I guess the point is: is this typical of NBA arenas? I’ve been to the Rose Garden a couple times but never with decent enough seats to try to make my way down near the court. Besides, at the RG fans actually stay to the end of the game, so its not like its wide open.

I mean, I’m sorry, but I thought this was America?! Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it was America.

Blah blah blah security and all that, but c’mon. It's a spectator sport.